Dead Alive Dead Alive game.
 

But the bleeding is stopped with many, many, many bandaids.

I'm killed by a locomotive.

But it was an ambulance, so they revived you.

I'm stomped by godzilla.

But it was only a foam movie prop, so when it's lifted off of you, you're fine: Not even a hair out of place.

I'm dropped headfirst into Mt Kilauea.

But the hot winds wafted you back upward to the rim, so you're fine.

I have fallen into a vat of sulfuric acid.

But you only suffer a mild chemical burn, as the vat is really only a crucible.

I get crushed by a piano.

But it only lands on your foot. The ambulance ride includes your driver getting distracted and running into akela.

I get struck by lightning while holding aproximately twenty pounds of C4.

Hey, wait a minute. I got TanaNari's before Oryzarius!!! I call FOUL!!!!!

Eh, whatever.

But what you think is C4 is really silly putty, and the lightning only knocks you on your rump for a month.

I am tossed into space by cosmonauts.

Due to ineffective launch procedures you only go up 30 feet before coming back down.

The universe implodes on me.

One late paper is not the universe, stop being over dramatic.

This is the part where he kills me.