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samfool Oct 12 '12 10:47pm

Dawn of Worlds Supplement
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Hey, I created this supplement for Dawn of Worlds. It is called 'Deity', and it focuses mostly on creating not only the races of the world, but the creatures and the like. I figured I would post it here and try to get some feedback.

Elemtael Oct 13 '12 12:57am

I like this supplement a lot and you did a great job of presenting it. The formatting is really superb.

One thing that struck me, and maybe you are already planning to address this, is the broadness of some of your rules. Particularly regarding domains. You probably will need to go through and flesh out/stat out all of them. Its been my experience that letting PCs do whatever usually results in bickering about what is fair and what is not.

Other than that this looks great, though.

samfool Oct 13 '12 7:13pm

Well thank you. Surprising what Word and a PDF converter can do.

As for the domains, those will most likely come as they come.
Most of the Dawn of Worlds is kind of free-form anyhow, so it fits the title.
I will keep a list going just in case.

Thanks for the input!

LordOfUndead Oct 14 '12 4:23am

On a really brief read through- this is presented immaculately.

The lines in the contents page bugged me though- and felt a little clunky. Perhaps the usual .............. ? Might look better? That's a minor niggle though.

Also its been a while since I've been a grammar nazi but this line

"Domains, their linage, personality, and so on keep them from being true allies."

Is the comma just before and needed?

I haven't played the game but the effort you've put into this makes me want to check it out.

Dalar Oct 17 '12 12:07am

Yes, the Oxford comma is necessary, despite what they're trying to do to it in today's schools.

ExampleLast night I saw two strippers, Betty White, and Nancy Pelosi.

Last night I saw two strippers, Betty White and Nancy Pelosi.

I stole that example from someone else, but you get the idea. Not that anyone with eyeballs and a brain would ever want to see Nancy Pelosi in any way.

samfool Oct 17 '12 4:25am

Heck, if you guys want to proof read the thing, by all means go for it!
I will put your names down as editors.

BeyondThePale Oct 17 '12 5:33am

Last night I saw two strippers, Betty White, and Nancy Pelosi.

should read as:

Last night I saw two strippers; Betty White and Nancy Pelosi.

You would need three options to make the argument of the Oxford comma in this particular situation.

Inclusion, or omission, of the comma before the "and" in the proposed sentence is relevant purely based on the preference of the author, and/or the snobbishness of the editor.

Example: My own personal preference as a writer is to omit the comma before "and".

Mordae Oct 21 '12 3:28am

Almost, BtP, but not quite. That semicolon should be a colon to indicate you are subsequently providing a list. The semicolon should be used for lists containing internal punctuation, for closely related independent clauses where a conjunction is not used, and for independent clauses linked with an adverb or transitional phrase. "Betty White and Nancy Pelosi" is not an independent clause, and the list does not contain internal punctuation.

Dalar's first example does have three options, since it is read that he saw four people (two strippers + Betty White + Nancy Pelosi). It would be less ambiguous to alter the the order in this way: "Last night I saw Betty White, Nancy Pelosi, and two strippers."

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