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Bumblor Oct 25 '12 10:51pm

As my old master used to say...words of wisdom from a Drunken Master
 
Errol Tracey was a ne'er-do-well, a drunkard, and a lout. He spent his days beating people up for money and spent his nights, more often then not, in a pool of his own sick. This all changed the day that Master Uroki came into town; a foot shorter than anyone else, white haired, wearing odd orange robes, the little man stood out like a barbarian in a string quartet. Master Uroki sat down at the town's public house and ordered a pot of tea, a bowl of rice, and a piece of fried fish. He ate his meal quietly and thanked the bar keep for the fine meal. As Master Uroki stood and turned to leave he was face to navel with Errol Tracey, the undisputed monster of the pub. 'You're a funny lookin' little runt ain'tcha?'

You all know where this tale ends, the pub gained a large hole in one exterior wall, Errol learned a valuable lesson in both respect and leverage, and Master Uroki gained a pupil. The next ten years Uroki and Errol traveled the land, helping those in need and doing what good they could. Eventually they parted ways, Errol having learned everything he could from the little man. Errol continued to wander, continue to help and fight and do the things that made him feel like a hero instead of like a bully.


So that's the backstory, Errol is full of helpful, informative phrases learned or partially learned from his Master. I'd like everyone's help filling out the list. I'll give a few examples to get things rolling...

As my old master used to say, 'Never trust a fat priest, a skinny innkeep, or a jolly grave digger'
As my old master used to say, 'Never punch a gift horse in the mouth'
As my old master used to say, 'There is no obstacle in life, I've found, that cannot be overcome by jumping'
As my old master used to say, 'Never sleep on a game trail, dragons eat deer too'
As my old master used to say, 'Hunger makes the best spice'
As my old master used to say, 'If you've hit a man with every stool in the bar and he's still coming, you've lost'
As my old master used to say, 'Morality is a fine compass in life, just don't make it your rudder and sails.'
As my old master used to say, 'Nothing will seperate a fool and his money faster than a whore and her knife'
As my old master used to say, 'Sometimes you have to crack a few skulls to make an omlette'
As my old master used to say, 'If it were easy, the peasants would have done it by now'
As my old master used to say, 'Assassins have mothers too'
As my old master used to say, 'When all else fails, hit them with a brick'
As my old master used to say, 'It is impolite to use a companion as a cudgel'
As my old master used to say, 'Never drink to soothe your pain, drink to cause pain in others'

diremage Oct 26 '12 1:39am

As my old master used to say, 'A humble meal is harder to poison.'
As my old master used to say, 'Everyone laughs at the bard, and then does what he wants anyway.'
As my old master used to say, 'Wizards are a funny folk, the ability to command the universe seems to go to their heads.'
As my old master used to say, 'When fighting, welcome your guest warmly, give him as much as he can stomach, and give him something to remember you by when he leaves.'
As my old master used to say, 'A foot that hasn't moved lately is unlikely to move later.'
As my old master used to say, 'A swordsman is only as good as his sword, and swords are easily broken.'
As my old master used to say, 'No matter how invincible they seem, all men have eyes, throats, and groins.'
As my old master used to say, 'Not that one. The other one, you fool!'

Scarecrow71 Oct 26 '12 3:41am

As my old master used to say, 'The quickest way to any man's heart is through his back'.
As my old master used to say, 'It is only polite to let someone in better health than you open the locked door first'.
As my old master used to say, 'If you are going to run away, make sure you can outrun the person you are with'.

Bumblor Oct 26 '12 4:07pm

As my old master used to say, 'Punch a man in the face and he hurts for a day, punch a man in his throat and he hurts for the rest of his life'

Carnas Oct 26 '12 5:40pm

As my old master used to say, "Never leave the Barbarian unattended"
As my old master used to say, "Never let the Barbarian be the party face even if they are the one in front"
As my old master used to say, "Never trust a wizard that is smiling even after you've beaten seven shades of crap out of them"
As my old master used to say, "Warlocks are excellent for keeping the party size small whilst not lacking any major roles"

diremage Oct 26 '12 11:05pm

As my old master used to say, "Nobody laughs at a barbarian to his face."
As my old master used to say, "Never feed your warlock meat, beer, or small children."
As my old master used to say, "Never trust a wizard, because he's probably smarter than you. Never trust a cleric, because she's probably far more cunning than you'll ever be. And remember that intelligence is a paladin's dump stat."

Scarecrow71 Oct 27 '12 6:33am

As my old master used to say, 'If you encounter a lone rat in an empty room, either hit it with everything you've got or run away screaming bloody murder.'
As my old master used to say, 'The worst sound that be described to you is an audible *click*.'
As my old master used to say, 'Be wary of saving the damsel in distress. Although weak at first, she becomes the right hand of God as soon as her bonds are cut AND she will insist on coming with you to help.'
As my old master used to say, 'Search everything. It is the one item you don't search that contains all the magic items you need to complete the task at hand.'

Bumblor Oct 29 '12 3:59am

As my old master used to say, 'A Bard in the hand is worth two in the bush'
As my old master used to say, 'Rainy days are like cheap booze, they cause bad moods and wet pants'

Bumblor Oct 29 '12 4:01am

As my old master used to say, 'a road of gold is both loud and slippery'

attikol Oct 29 '12 6:33am

As my old master used to say, 'When faced with a choice between 2 doorways choose neither, let the retarded average man drawn into your adventure choose. He is incapable of choosing wrong."


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