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Writers' Guild

A community for writers of all genres to hone our craft, with monthly exercises, challenges, and collaborative writing. Open to anyone who enjoys writing!


Day Twenty One, Scene 1!

 
Day Twenty One, Scene 1!

Chapter 1!


Good, Anna. You write well, and your descriptions are very succinct. I can tell, though, that this scene is directed toward your 21-day novel. It develops slowly and thoughtfully, which it should. At this point, it's a scene, so I can't tell what speed or cadence you're taking on; but it's interesting!

I'm hoping to get a lot of Terhan's scenes to seem slower and more thought-driven than the others. If I'm any good at this, the pace will pick up with my two other characters. I'll probably share some other scenes here anyway, so we'll see.

Also, I find it funny you were reading mine while I was reading yours!

Awesomely good writing. Good, good stuff.

My macro observation would be something regarding pacing. For the reader, it does feel a bit slow to get through, and the wall of text and hefty paragraphs probably intimidating. I think it could use some dialogue, and/or action. Maybe something from the literal setting interacts more with Darrum (though the carpenter is good). This is entirely correctable, which is good because the writing is good and the main character is interesting.

Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more.

Alright, I just finished my first Chapter. What I'm going to put down here is the unrevised version of it. I don't want to stop and correct it every time, because I'll never see the end of this project if I do so.

Just look back at the spoiler tag up there: I'm going to add the rest of the Chapter in. Hopefully this'll give a better idea of the pacing, although I'm likely to go back to Terhan's first scene anyway. Thanks for all the feedback!





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