Granted, but you don't get your wish.

I wish for a nice Turkey Club Sandwich.

Granted, but the turkey is still alive and eat your fingers.

I wish for a dishwasher

Granted, but the dishwasher uses acid and melts your dishes and silverware.

I wish for a thousand wishes.

You get them. Unfortunately, they're all the same wish as the one you just asked for. So your infinite supply of wishes can only be used to wish for more wishes.

I wish for the ability to control any biological substance as I see fit, without that substance (or the organism it's connected to) being harmed in any way unless I so wish it. And for that power to have a range of 150 miles.

Granted, but word of your powers reaches the russians and they drop a nuke on you while you're asleep.

I wish for.. pokemon to be real!

Granted. But nintendo sues the living hell out of you for copyright infringement.

I wish the education system actually worked. This applies to all education systems on the planet.

Granted. BUT the graduates of the education systems are so much better prepared for life than you are, they take your job and no one wants to hire your inferior self. Also, they quickly develop amazing new technologies such as teleportation, which they use to transport you and all other similarly inferior "preschoolers" to a barren planet in a distant solar system, where you can live out your days without bothering anyone ever again.

I wish the next poster would post.

Granted. But it's me.

I wish for a perpetual, universe wide enchantment that teleported all rapists and child molesters (and no one else!) into the heart of the nearest sun.

Granted. But the sun cannot sustain the extra mass and collapses into a black hole.

I wish that I had all the knowledge of the universe with no harm being done to my person or my psyche.

Done. You now know everything. Unfortunately, that knowlege includes two things:


First, the knowlege that you cannot fix or change anything ever. To alter the predestined flow of reality would make the universe infinitely worse than doing absolutely nothing. For the rest of your life, you know everything that will happen, but you must follow your role in "the plan" as if you did not. You cannot even speak of the knowlege you possess.

Second. You know exactly when, where, and how everyone you've ever known or loved -or even so much as saw a photo of while surfing for porn on the internet- is going to die. You know the names and faces of everyone who will be at their funeral. And how THOSE people will die.


I wish: that it was no longer possible for humans to tell lies.