Grumpfted. As a thank you, you are now enslaved to wikipedia for 100 years, to endlessy correct faulty wikipedia entries.

I wish to be able to influence my, and every other person's, luck completely.

Granted. However, since luck doesn't actually *exist* and is only a result of human superstitious desire to believe they have control over something that cannot be controlled.... all you can *actually* do is influence whether people are afraid to break mirrors or walk under ladders.


I wish these damn google ads on this site would just once show me something that I am actually interested in.

Granted. They show you the most interesting thing in the world. The only problem is the MIB kick open your door looking for Katy Perry and hit you with a flashy thingy and you can't remember it. But you happily go back to searching google ads about Avenger's Allegiance and the ability to PLAY IT NOW!

I wish that I could look bad ass while drinking out of a straw.

Granted. You drink strong dark beer from straw in motorcyclist bar. They see your "bad ass" style as an insult and so they attach the rope to one of strongest motorcycles, tie you to the next end go on a most bumpy road in the world. Your body is smashed to smallest bits from that.

I wish... I could control the Internet while living on Moon, in completely impenetrable capsule which supplies me with infinite oxygen/food/water, and has godly-speed and access to Internet.

Granted! Sadly, you are in that inpenetrable capsule together with a nasty lethal virus, which kills you after 3 days.

I wish that everything I said would become true.

Granted! But first thing you say is to see Death Star in action. In a matter of seconds, Earth was evaporised.

I wish to get a simple cookie(1" x 1") with no taste, and no harm to me at all which would have no nutritional value.

Granted...

You eat the cookie which has no nutritional value, no taste and is no harm to you what so ever. Cookie Monster sees you do this and runs after you, ripping your arms off and beating you to death.

I wish...

For Telekinesis.

Granted. But this power still has to obey the basic laws of equal and opposite reaction. The "other end" of your power is connected directly to your testicles.

I wish for the cookie monster to die of diabetes.

Granted. You were the cookie monster, though.

I wish to be a greater deity in Forgotten Realms setting.

Granted. You are Cyrric, who is dead and all his followers defected to Myrkul.

I wish I had a ham sammich.