Methinks you might need to read the admin's ban warning from the dragon hunt thread...just a cautionary heads-up.

So, are we talking about a slap or a slap with a running start? Is it still a slap if its open-handed, but you end up clobbering them with your forearm instead? Or, is that a clothesline?

As for me, they could take care of my student loans and guarantee a raise every year.

Not bad, but you could get those benefits just by joining the military. Don't be afraid to ask for something bigger.

As for my slaps, I'd like to have the right to play it by ear. Makes it more fun.

I know the perfect recompense. Firstly, I would need a home to put this in...but I would like an entire room painted to appear like it's black and white. The lighting, the paint, the furniture, everything like it was straight out of an oldies movie. Along with it I'd need some sort of long, flowing, yet sexy garment to wear while I lounged on an old curvy Freud couch, smoking a cigarette from my fancy-looking filter stick from the center of the ball-like dinner room. Near one of the corners would be a grand piano, where I would have my personal pianist who would play all of my classics and allow me to call him Sam in whatever context I like.

"Oh, play it again, Sam...play it one more time. Like you used to."

There may be a limit on how often I can make use of Sam's abilities...but it would have to be a renewing contract. Besides. That room is mine anyway. I can dress up in my black and white makeup/clothing whenever I please to lounge there.

Best idea ever.

Let's put it this way: it involves the president's adult child(ren), a video camera, and a resultant scandal that gets me on Letterman.

I think if I you're going for a b&w femme fatal theme, Morticia Addams would be a much better choice. Her dresses were awesome.

Sam, Morticia, whatever. I could always ask for two.

A house. I would like to own outright a small house, fairly easy to maintain but with all the space I require for myself and my vast collection of books. And none of this property tax nonsense.

In exchange for my lost benefits and forced austerity, I will start a small political movement that demands the nationalization of telecommunications for free internet for all. I will continue sitting in my basement all day making posts on the internet and contributing as little as possible to society. JACKPOT.

Hey...I work in telecommunications! That means I get to be a federal employee!
Woo-hoo! Score!