Granted. You are walking home from the doctor's office when a penny falls through your brain and into your throat. You are now able to sleep more. After hours of operations and months of bed rest you find your able to sleep really deeply and really well. But sad for you that you sleep through your bedroom catching fire and are burned alive. You wake up just in time to choke to death.

I wish that I was the best hockey and baseball player that ever lived and that I can turn the sport into one called Hockey-Ball.
-Shane

Granted! your skills in these sports become unrivaled in all the land
and Hockeyball becomes the number # 1 sport......in....*snicker*..... Canada.
Eh?
To all Canucks

I wish for a never-ending bag of gummi bears.

granted; since the bag is never-ending, it is also called the universe and it contains gummy bears.

I wish I had a robot that could not lie and had no ill intentions towards me, like Kazemori.

Granted; in fact, not only does the robot have no ill intentions towards you, but it has, in fact, fallen deeply and madly in love with you. On a completely unrelated note, medical insurance does not cover broken shin-bones due to "faulty AI programming causing robots to hump their masters' leg."

I wish my bank account would get $1,000 a week deposited into it from some legal source of income without me having to work for it.

Granted. $1000/week is legally deposited, and you don't even have to do anything. For some reason, $1050/week is removed as well though, and you just can't stop it, and if you change account numbers, it keeps happening.


I wish that I had The Universal Remote, like in the movie "Click," but things always worked in my favor.

Granted. You have the remote and for 17 hours everything goes as planned. Then the batteries run out and the universe stops and you can't replace them. Because it controls the Universe and with it broken the universe is forever on pause.

I wish that I knew every form form of martial arts and was masters of all but one.
-Shane

Granted, but like in the story of the Fox and the Cat, your mastery of so many options means that you have difficulty choosing the best option in any given situation, and are killed by a thug with a penknife for 25 cents.

I wish I was a Master of a single combat-capable Martial Art.

Granted. You are now the greatest martial artist in the world. At one art.

Turns out, the whole "evade bullets with martial arts prowess" thing only works in the movies and you are paralyzed from the neck down after getting shot during a gang driveby while you were on your way to the grocery store.


I wish for immunity to all possible ailments. Including fatigue, injury, death, aging, boredom, insanity, and any form of pain or discomfort. While still being capable of enjoying all the things I normally enjoy.

Granted. But because of your immunity to all possible ailments your body no longer sees the need to grow skin and so every time you move it causes you immense pain since you are just exposed nerves and muscles. You eventually blow your brains out from depression.

I wish to be able to eat any fattening food I want but to maintain my perfect height to weight ratio and never have to exercise.
-Shane

I would say I enjoy having skin. Thank you. Please try again.