"To hold the power to destroy a thing is to have absolute control over it."
--Paul Muad'dib

Someone successfully mounts a railgun on a crocodile, thus making the crocodile a cyborg. A monkey is quickly placed next to the railgun. The crocodile then eats the monkey and submerged to short out the railgun. Total time of experiment: 5 minutes, 23 seconds.


<let's see if someone can actually corrupt this wish this time...>

I wish for the ability to manipulate boundaries, including hypothetical boundaries.

Granted, but only in games you DM.

I wish... for a coke.

El Grantido! You get coke - but the type made of burning coal in the absence of oxygen (you didn't specify, and the wish fairy has a gruesome sense of humor). Enjoy the refreshing taste of sulphur at 1000 degrees.

I wish I would pick a lottery with the luck of the Irish.

Granted. A small leprechaun appears and tells you that "fortune shall favor ye if ye play the Lotto today." It then vanishes, leaving you more than a little concerned about the egg salad you ate at lunch. Just for laughs, you buy a ticket... and correctly pick two of the six numbers! You don't win anything, but two out of six numbers is still much better than usual.

I wish to never receive my just comeuppance.

Granted. Instead you receive greatly unjust comeuppance that is both cruel, unusual, and in fact illegal to even describe in detail.

After finally getting out of traction, having your genitals surgically reattached, and getting use to the strangeness of pig skin grafts... you begin the arduous physical therapy that might one day allow you to move your own wheelchair. But the night terrors... those... they'll never go away. Fortunately for your neighbors, you can't even scream due to the throat damage.


I wish for pi.

Granted, it still exists. However, none for you!

I wish to be healed.

Drumroll! You have been healed! Unfortunately, you didn't specify from what! Didn't I tell you these wish fairy dudes are great to drink with? Your particular fairy had a little too much Sloe Gin, and he chuckled as he snapped his fingers. When we woke him up the next day, he said that the hole at the end of your large colon was now closed permanently. Good luck with that....

I wish I had a dog who could dance so well she would be a competitor on Dancing With the Stars.

Granted. You are now married to Cher.

I wish to be immune to disease. While otherwise retaining the other essential characteristics that define my existence. Such as my genetic code, and pulse, and personality, right down to the excess body hair on my lower back.

You are now immune to all diseases. Unfortunately, your immunity comes at the cost of the immune system of every other being on the planet. Men, women, children, dogs, cats, beasts of burden, and everything else that lives begin to die from viruses that normally would be fought off in a matter of hours. Plants lose their symbotic relationship with helper fungi and bacteria that are also destroyed in this global pandemic. Eventually it's just you. Now, that's great and all, but the planet's infrastructure is not really set up for infinite run time in automatic. After a time, the necessities of life start to go away. First, the electricity. Then, the water (as the backup generators supplying the pumps run out of fuel). With no plants to eat, no animals to hunt, and no refrigeration to preserve the remaining food supply, you quickly reach the point of starvation. It's either that or a bullet to the brain--take your pick.

I wish for denial.

Huh. You mean heart disease caused by eating 30 year old twinkies isn't an option?