Life is not an STD, to begin with there are numerous non-sexually reproducing organisms, for another disease is far more narrowly defined.

Granted, but the overwhelming number provides massive assistance to disease research and a broad spectrum immunization is developed within a few years that renders anyone immune to all STDs as long as they are vaccinated by age 12.

I wish I knew how to suspend teh law of conservation of mass & energy in either direction.

Clearly someone is missing the joke.

Granted. It turns out, however, that should you do so, the universe collapses in upon itself and takes approximately half the multiverse with it. On the plus side, it forms three more multiverses in the process. So the question becomes: is it worth it?

Speaking of. I wish I had a pet universe in which I was god.

Granted. You quickly find that this universe is tearing itself apart and no matter what you do, you can only slow the progression and are forced to watch as you watch the worlds you control gradually consume themselves.

I wish that that the things i think would come into being.

Granted. But the process starts chronologically with your first thought and works its way up. Assuming you manage to avoid all the freudian horrors, you're still treated to prison time after your early middle school fantasies suddenly come true. And god help you if you ever created any poorly written fanfic. Or poorly drawn dinosaurs. Or anything involving explosives.

Assuming you make it up to date, either you've already died horribly, committed suicide, ardently wished none of this had ever happened (thus making it true and nullifying it), or have such a boring imagination that you can't even use the power.

I wish to successfully genocide an entire species of my choosing.

Granted. By extension, you destroy the fragile ecosystem that relies on said species, and the web of life unravels until the human race (including you) dies of starvation.

I wish to be able to observe segments of time involving past significant events in world history, without the ability to modify them.

Who knew the influenza virus was so essential to the world.

Wish granted. But you're incapable of acting on that knowlege- including finding hidden treasures, speaking of it to others, writing it down, or using it as a cheap background check on people in your life. You also learn that three of your greatest personal idols were all child molesters.


I wish for a solution to the paradox "this sentance is a lie".

Despite any questions of whether viruses are life and therefore can be classified by species, influenza is a set of different morphologies with similar characteristics, and therefore genociding any single version will not have a substantial effect on the world.

Granted: The definition of "lie" is Bill Clinton-ized such that truth and falsehood are the same, rendering the paradox meaningless.

I wish that light bulbs didn't need changing.

Damn clinton. Every few years, he finds a new way to piss me off.

Granted. Welcome to the dark ages. Pun intended.

I now wish to be able to genocide an entire taxonomical family. I am killing the flu virus. All of it.

Granted: However without the flu virus, another even more lethal family of virus is now stronger with its former competitors dead. Nice job breaking it hero.

I wish the cake from the first Portal game wasn't a lie.

Granted, because it was always real and attainable. It is okay to break down and cry at this revelation.

I wish the next person would make up a wish for me.