Granted! All your biological needs are immediately ended by your untimely death.

I wish every day was the awesomest day ever. For everyone.

Granted. The awesome coallesces into an awesome meta-reaction, that causes the spine of the universe to compound fracture. Your body is scattered through quantum entaglement like a picasso painting. Or maybe I made all of that up. Someone probably counter wished you with their awesome, because some people are ungrateful.

I wish that my final wish was a pokeball that worked on strangers' pets, before the wish bureau arrested me.

Granted, but you can't catch another 'Trainer's 'Pokemon', and it doesn't work on wild 'Pokemon'.

I wish I could manipulate time in any way I want.

Granted. Time control is now officially yours. However, you're still a part of time's little playthings. And the biochemical reactions that make up your lifecycle and your memories get shifted along with the rest of the timeline.

So any time you go to the past, you forget the future and act as you did the first time through the cycle.

Any time you go to the future, your memories advance as if you experienced the skipped time.

Slowing or speeding time is meaningless since your perceptions adjust to the new timerate.

And if you ever think to STOP time. There's no off switch. Since you're frozen in that moment.


I wish to be able to violate causality. Making things occur without having been actually CAUSED by anything. Or preventing an occurrence from having any repercussions at all within reality beyond the aspects that I allow them to have.

Aaaaand the genie smites you, because your request confused him. "What?" He says, in passing, "It was gonna happen anyway."

I wish that blip.tv worked on my end.

Granted, but the servers go down permanently. Too easy!

I wish for more zen.

Granted, french dude. Though I'm not sure who you want more than, or what you want more of than your anonymous person.

I wish I had a pet gomazoa.

Granted. You had a gomazoa. But it got shuffled back into the deck along with the neighbor's son when he tried to cut through your yard one morning. The police were NOT amused.

I wish for a taco shell with a naturally occurring image of Jesus on it.

Granted, but a mexican crusader shouts 'heathen!' and cuts you down with his longsword. There's no way this could have happened anywhere but a parallel universe where mexicans decide to be crusaders.

I wish that wildstorm was even darker and grittier so that it was even more obvious that it was trying to live up to the 90s dark age of comic books.

Granted, but it becomes so dark that your parents ban you from reading it. The world becomes aware that not all comic books are for kids, and so a strict rating system develops, with three times as much law enforcement as movie ratings.

I wish Anakin wasn't the Justin Bieber of Star Wars.