Granted. The taxes of owning such a large piece of property quickly drain all of your money.

I wish I had artistic talent.

Granted. You CAN own the moon, for about a million dollars. Space property is expensive.
I wish Count Dooku wasn't so dang old.

Granted. The year is 52 BBY; Dooku is 50 and in his prime as a Jedi Master. Oh, and Jar Jar Binks has just been born.

I wish the lady downstairs would quit blowing smoke up onto our balcony.

Since nobody responded to this one and nobody noticed............

Granted. You do have artistic talent. The problem is that your talent is so unique that nobody actually recognises it as art. In 500 years you will be hailed an artistic genius as people look back on your work and realise just how talented you were but you will be dead then and you will never know how your art shapes the lives of so many people in the future. For now you'll just have to settle with not being recognised and live out the rest of your life knowing that one day long after you're dead you will be famous.

As for the one above.....

Granted. She stops blowing smoke up on to your balcony. The problem is that she now smokes above your balcony and blows it downwards on to your balcony, which doesn't resolve the root of the problem at all.

I wish to have a delicious bacon sandwich in my hands right now.

Granted, you've a delicious bacon sandwich within your hands. Doctors are confused as to how it got inside them, but... they're willing to amputate to prevent infection.

I wish Age of Conan was chained.

Granted, Age of Conan is chained. They took a nice, strong chain and chained the servers to a pole. It is now safe from theft.

I wish all the dice I ever roll came out just the number I want them to be with no penalty to my ability to roll a die or signs of cheating.

Granted. Your gaming group and GM can't figure out how you're cheating, but they're sure of it and they kick you out. Maybe they always wanted to?

I wish I had more weekend.

Granted. Your life is extended by one weekend. You spend it in immense pain.

I wish I didn't have to sleep.

Granted. You have the special power that you can stay awake as long as you want. However, side effects may include dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, exhaustion, incoherence, hallucinations and death.

I wish for MOAR COFFEE.

Granted; you are instantly submerged in a titanic vat of piping hot black coffee. The coroner is unable to determine whether the 100% body-coverage 3rd degree burns, drowning, or caffeine overdose is the primary cause of death.

I wish for whirled peas.