Granted. You cause temporary night blindness by blasting a police officer in the face with your laser. When he blasts you in the face with his taser, it causes temporary bowel release. And catches your stuffed animal shark on fire.


I wish I was an expert sniper (without losing any of my current skills or abilities).

Granted, but with that knowledge comes the immediate need to USE that knowledge. You become a superlethal killing machine, using everything from actual firearms to throwable objects to blast, impale, or otherwise destroy EVERY LIVING THING YOU SEE by doing perfect and instant calculations of physics in your head, the ONLY exception being yourself.

I want to be able to know how to get into every beautiful woman's pants excluding those with herpes or other transferable diseases.

Granted, you know how. Being able to execute it without suffering severe bodily harm, however, prevents you from getting to third base before you are slapped into last century.

I wish for no limits.

Granted. You obtain "Complete Limit Release," also known to bleach fans as a 'Bankai'. But you can only hold that state for three seconds every day.

I wish for a secret underground fortress where I can manufacture battlemechs and sell them to the highest bidders.

Granted. Sadly, there are no bidders. Mainly because the battlemechs work like shit.

I wish I got a secret underground base where I can manufacture properly working, strong, battlemechs, to take over the world with.

Granted. The battlemechs are perfect machines at taking over the world. However, you never stated that you would be able to retain control of them. Much like the Terminator series, the machines declare war on humanity and it takes us to a dark and bleak future where all of humanity is destroyed by the machines who now rule the world.

I wish Kerim hadn't destroyed all of humanity with his battlemechs.

Granted. They just destroy the internet.

I wish the internet was not destroyed.

Granted. You were sacrificed instead of the Internet.

Let's change the topic. I wish to find Sergio Ramos ball kicked off to moon.

Granted, but it's not the kind of ball you were thinking of. And Sergio isn't happy about you finding them.

I wish to get back on the topic of the dead internet.

Granted. You're sitting on huge stone-carved words "Dead Internet".

I wish that the poster below me would be granted 1 million Belarusian Rubles.