Granted: You HAD a box of peanuts. A while ago. You ate them, remember?


I wish for the zombie robot apocolypse that eventually destroys all life.

Granted, but Jesus riding a Raptor shows up and it's game over man.

I wish Sean Connor had never been born.

Granted, but neither were you. So that wish never happened... hey welcome back, what did you say?

I wish I had a Pokemon.

Granted. It's a lvl 5 magicarp. Also, there are no other pokemon or pokemon accessories in the world, so it will forever remain a lvl 5 magicarp.

I wish to be caught in a sex scandal with a (legitimately) attractive celebrity.

Granted. You're the victim of a gay sex slavery ring run by Ke$ha.

I wish that this wish weren't granted.

I wish to continue breathing oxygen.

Granted, but due to your intentional paradox, the Crone, the Mother and the Maiden, as well as the Genius in the Bottle, Satan and all other entity according wishes team up to eat your innard.
Granted, but because oxygen is only 21% of the atmosphere, you asphyxiate in one minute.

I wish I had a tame Tyranosaurus Rex baby.

Granted but its very wild mother shows up - gobbling you up!

I wish I had an everlasting gopstopper.

Granted, but it's the flavor of sour milk.

I wish for world peace.

Granted, but Aliens don't look to kindly down on Pacifist worlds and show up Lasers flying.

I wish for a Giant Rubber Ducky in which to sail the seas on.