Non Sequitur

A place for light-hearted forum games and other threads that don't promote discussion.

Dead Alive Dead Alive game.

Lucky for you, you finally managed to fiugure out how to land on your feet. Turning around found you that last gasp of fuel, and *whoosh* perfect landing.

I'm underneath you as you fire your jets one last time to make the landing, and I'm scorched, my brain is cooked, and I burst into flames.

Your spirit transcends your now dead physical form where you ascend to heaven because you are such a wonderful person that you would never end up in hell. You realise that this is the end for you but as you join the queue to be let in and reach the front desk, you get told that a mistake had been made in processing the necessary paperwork and it was not yet your time so they cast you back down to Earth in a new and improved version of your old body. You are now alive and standing looking at your old body laying on the ground. Your new body is blessed with divine power that can eradicate all evil in the world. Being the kind person you are, you use that power having momentarily forgotten that evil exists within all living things to differing degrees and you end up wiping out the entire human race including me.

But Raphael, the patron saint of paratroopers steps in just in time and halts time. While halting time he goes back and makes sure I never bought that jetpack instead and then never landed on your head.

However as your walking down the street you look up and see me fall from the sky and land in front of you. My body a bloody mess on the sidewalk. For when Raphael turned back time he forgot to pluck me out of the sky, when he took away my jetpack.

Lucky for you there was a film crew working on a falling scene, so you land on the collapsible airbag, the director shouts "Cut! Perfect! That's a print!!" You are now a major movie stuntman, and get paid tons of cash.

I become incredibly sedentary, and don't move off my couch ever again. It gets so bad that my skin grows around the fabric of the couch, which becomes septic, leaving me gangrenous and dead.

In a strange twist of fate, as you feel yourself drifting off for your final rest with the closing of your eyes, the feeling of death so close, you find your consciousness somehow merging with the couch. It seems that the couch was made in another dimension and was thrown out of that one in to this one because it was a cursed magical item. Whoever would find themselves dying on this couch would become the couch itself. The couch grows legs and arms, forming eyes, a nose and a mouth. The good news is that you become a huge success with TV commercials as the Couch Monster, even getting your own brand of cereal named after you. This generates billions and billions for you quickly accelerating you to the top of the world's rich list.

As for me, I try out some of this 'Couchios' cereal only to end up choking to death on a piece of cereal that gets stuck in my throat.

Thankfully, the Couchios cereal is the flagship product of a dummy company that is actually only a front for a secret clandestine organization that researches and develops fringe technology. As soon as you choke and die, the bio-distress sensor built into the piece of cereal that killed you alerts a crack team of Fully Artificial Lifeform Simulating Entities who arrive at the scene with in 30 seconds, via warp gate. They pose as paramedics and quickly load your body into their state of the art Armored Personal Carrier, which is cleverly disguised as a simple ambulance. Once on board you're freshly dead body is loaded into a special experimental personal container that freezes time within it. Your locked in a stasis state until a time in which technology can advance to the point in which your specific condition can be treated. They already posses the ability to bring resurrect your body. However, it is some 40 years before the technology to remove the piece of cereal from your throat is developed.

Then and only then are you brought out of stasis, the obstructing piece of cereal is incinerated and you are revived in the medical bridge on the Flagship of the company's interstellar armada, currently stationed 39012.54 lightyears away from the Milkyway galaxy.

I on the other hand, am back on earth sitting in a lawn chair, on my lawn, just as the Earth's sun explodes.

But as the Sun Explodes, Chronos the god of time decides he is not yet done playing with Mortals so he stops time. As he is repairing and rebuilding a much cooler sun, He accidentally forgot to freeze me in time and so I die by being exposed to cosmic rays.

Chronos then repairs time and puts everything back on as normal. Stranger you're blind for 6 days from looking at the sun as it explodes but are left harmless. However when you call me up to see if I want to go swimming you find out no one is answering me and when you go to my house I don't exist.

Luckily, due to MadHatter's recent ascent to Godhood, he had gained a number of followers who worshipped him and the power of their prayers and faith in him meant he could never truly disappear. Their belief in their deity was so strong that they were able to use that power to bring MadHatter back in to existence. To celebrate their accomplishments, they held a huge party that lasted many hours and involved much drinking. Afterwards, one of MadHatter's followers attempted to drive home at great speed colliding in to me as I walked along the street. The impact crushed my ribs, busted my lungs, crushed my internal organs and sent me flying with great velocity head first in to a brick wall crushing my skull and killing me in that moment.

Since I am the owner of the River Styxs I will just bring you back to life as a zombie. But a normal talking zombie like Randal, from Ugly Americans comedy central show.

However while I am drunk and passed out in the street you come up towards me and decide that my brain is good eatin! So you dig on in. I am too drunk to wake up so I die.

It's a good thing that, being the god of the Styx, you frequently swim through it and have therefore gained immortality. No the chewing on your skull that leaves a gaping hole, also leaves a migraine, but you're still alive.

I die by being exorcised, as I am still a ghost.

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