Fortunately, they were merely death-like symptoms, and not the outright state of death itself.

I pilot my flimsy Jawa-built spacecraft into the heart of a black hole, making sure I have only enough fuel for the trip in. As my ship is crushed around me, I also take up smoking and eating unhealthy amounts of red meats.

You are spaghettified. Fortunately, red meat goes well with pasta, and everyone in Italy smokes. You are such an excellent dish that the God of Food gives you sentience and life.

I am mining in an incredibly deep cave system when I hear a hissing sound. Then I get blown up.

The hissing sound was actually my Iron Man Steam Powered Armor and though you smelled methane and felt a shockwave, it was really my diet of cheese and beans, that resulted in an atomic fart.

I forgot that my face mask doesn't allow for oxygen and I choke to death.

Um... You didn't save the guy above you. You killed him worse. ºωº

Thankfully the synchronized swimmingcoach from American Dad is there when you crash and can remove your faceplate somehow. Though technically dead for a few seconds, you are resuscitated and awaken to the sight of an overweight balding man with a mustache breathing life back into you... Along with some smoke from his cigarette which he didn't bother to remove from the corner of his mouth before beginning CPR.

I happen to witness this and am thus compelled to load a 50 caliber magnum, point it to my temple, and pull the trigger.

Unfortunately, the gun was made on the extremely cheap so that when you pulled the trigger the gun simply fell apart in your hands and you realised that you were ripped off when you purchased the thing from a door to door salesman who was very convincing with his pitch.

With the thought of revenge on your mind, you hire the next poster as an assassin who assassinates the salesman while he's at my door trying to sell me stuff. I can't handle the trauma and shock of seeing this incident as the blood of the salesman splashes all over my body in the process and then my head explodes.

I actually had the image from that episode of Steve getting cpr in my head when you said that. NICE ONE.

Good news for you is your not dead. Bad News for you is your a vegetable with only the lower half of your head in a sealed bubble. You have enough brain functions to breathe, and even that requires the help of machines. Meanwhile that assassin saw me as a witness and shot me in the eye killing me instantly. Upon going back home he realized the check had bounced and is now going after The Stranger for revenge.

lol. MH, you make me laugh. I posted that the next poster would be the assassin. You were the next poster. So you just killed yourself and brought yourself back to life in order to hunt The Stranger all in the same paragraph.

I know.
-Shane

Being the God that you are, it's impossible for you to die. The assassin and the you that died were both merely avatars you sent to the planet to toy with the population to give yourself a bit of entertainment. Once your avatar assassin kills your other avatar self, that part of you simply releases its essence that returns to the you that is a God. Therefore, you never died but simply transferred the part of you that died back to the part of you that is alive as a God.

MadHatter the assassin then rigs up an explosive device that will detonate when The Stranger opens his front door. In trying to warn The Stranger about MadHatter's plan I rush over to The Stranger's place and as I'm shouting at The Stranger to not open his door he opens it blowing us up, blowing his home up and blowing up all the nearby buildings killing many people.

The god of the Styx is a nice guy so he grabs you out of the Styx and gives you a new body when he finds one.

I die when I try to work through the lack of more than one syll... syll.... Gah look at the wish thread and know I die 'cause my brain blows up from not... *dies.*