Or so you thought. Indeed, after seeing all these people die on TV, you can only figure you are already one of them. However, before the invader reach your city, they all die of flu, their immune system busted by the high tech weaponry effects.

I eat lunch at the school cafeteria.

At a rich kids private school. You find the meal delicious and satisfactory.


I get hit by a d20 confirmed crit and am slashed to ribbons.

Except what you actually got hit with was the actual 20 sided die, which just bounces off of your head. In your surprise, you get a single papercut from your character sheet. Stop being a drama queen.

I am buried in a cave-in, in an unknown spelunking expedition. No one ever finds me.

Tough luck, your expedition was in the blanket fortress you built in your parents' basement. With uncanny accuracy, they show up at precisely 8:00pm/2000 to inform you that it's your bedtime and no, you can't have any more ice cream before you squeeze into your zip-up, footed Superman jammies and snuggle up to your blankey and teddy bear.

Life as I know it suddenly ends as every particle in my body is suddenly accelerated in opposite directions at the speed of light. Guess I shouldn't have crossed the streams.

You forgot that you were Dr. Manhattan, and that pulling yourself back together takes no more than a few moments.

I am ejected from a space shuttle currently in orbit around Jupiter. As I am being dragged into the planet to be flattened into a few specks, I die of all the various things that happen to humans when suddenly placed in a vacuum.

Hey, stop playing your video game for a minute and rejoin the real world!!

I accidentally swallow antifreeze instead of my appletini. My insides are liquified and I have a horrible death.

Unfortunately, the doctors save you from your fate before it's fatal. Granted, most of your internal organs are destroyed and you'll never be able to eat food again. But with intravenous nutrition, you're still breathing. Kinda- they have a machine for you do that- so you can look forward to a long life trapped in a bed. Enjoy.

(That's what you get for not giving him the proper Space Odyssey reference that his post clearly deserved- not cool, man. Not cool.)



Rock falls. Everyone dies.

Except that the rock was the size of your pinky toe and it fell from about three feet.

I challenge Chuck Norris to a MMA fight. You can figure out the rest.

Don't flatter yourself. You challenging Chuck Norris to a fight is like an ant challenging you. He doesn't even notice.


The planet I am currently residing on is destroyed by the Death Star.

But before the death star gets around the moon to blow up said planet, it gets blown up by a teenager.

I get get a one way teleportation into the heart of the sun.