Thank goodness you were only listening to Johnny Cash's album.

I accidentally lock myself in a clothes dryer, which gets turned on and I bake to death inside.

You have a severe disorder where your mind thinks it feels the physical trauma of things you watch. This is bad, since you love watching happy tree friends. You've wet yourself because you think youre dead, but are otherwise just fine when the nurses find you.

I go through Willy Wanka's tv transporter, and land in a vat of lava.

Luckily you were wearing a protective suit that managed to protect you long enough for you to be rescued. You start a new craze called 'Lava Jumping' where people actually throw themselves in to lava for fun doing all sorts of crazy stunt dives on the way down.

I try out this new sport but someone thought it would be funny to give me a protective suit filled with grenades. As I hit the lava the grenades exploded and that was the end of me.

Luckily the grenades were filled with water, with their "explosion" bringing an end to the documentary on the lava jumping craze, episode titled "Me".

I drown in a swimming pool filled, and am then eaten by piranhas and sharks.

Fortunately, once the sharks and piranhas are done eating the swimming pool, they don't have time to eat you before they suffocate because they're out of water. While being in a swimming pool filled with them isn't pleasant, it's also not lethal.

I die of old age, sixty years from now.

Luckily, your new clone is at the ripe age of 20, and your brain is transplanted, so your mind survives.

I am eaten by your clone, who is a cannibal based on a traumatic experience he once had when he escaped from the facility.

Following something that happened recently in a gaming session....... I reincarnate your spirit in to the body of a goblin. You're definitely alive but you're going to have to get used to a few changes that come from being a goblin now.

Unfortunately, the use of such magic is against the laws of physics and by disobeying such laws I am hit with a huge backlash of force from the universe that causes me to explode.

Fortunately for you the massive explosion for tinkering with the laws of physics caused a ripple in the space-time continuum and you were sent back a few seconds to before the explosion, thus stuck in a time loop but never quite dying.

I step on a rusty nail get tetanus and die a slow painful death.

A last minute amputation plus the intervention of some fine cybernetics surgeons not only saves your life but turns you into the world's greatest super hero Iron Blood, criminals beware!

When offered the blue pill and the red pill by a strange, sweaty, bald man in a warehouse I snatch them both and swallow them dry. The resulting reality warping trip sends me stumbling down a busy freeway where I'm hit by a semi, run down by a police cruiser, and shat upon by a duck.

And, sadly, it was nothing more than a bad hallucinogenic trip that was made into 1 great movie and 2 crappy ones.

I am disintegrated by God.