Non Sequitur

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1001 things I'm not allowed to do.

   
669. I am not allowed to turn my own character into a zombie, just to prove TanaNari's point.

670. I am not allowed to have my character recite famous speeches at any time during the game

671. I am not allowed to assassinate characters reciting famous speeches at any time during the game, then shout "Sic Semper Tyrannis" as I leap out of a balcony.
672. I am not allowed to create an entire game about turning characters into zombies just to prove TanaNari's point.
673. I am not allowed to assassinate characters reciting famous speeches at any time during the game by turning them into zombies by reciting a spell with verbal compenents "Sic Semper Tyrannis."
674. I am no longer allowed to play in games involving famous speeches or zombies.

675. I am not allowed to wish into existence a Half-Dragon Grey Whale with the intent to make it my mount, familiar, cohort.
676. No matter how well I roll, my squirrel familiar cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
676A. Not even if I cast high level buffs on it.
678. I am not allowed to name my Hellhound Leopold Stotch
679. Nor am I allowed to call my celestial Owl Hitler.
680. Cthulu is not a familiar choice even if the rules say he is a magical beast
681. Nor are giraffes
682. Ditto on metroids
683. I can not choose any familiar that causes its enemies to cry
684. I am no longer allowed to take the Improved Familiar spell

685. I am not allowed to use the DM's Girlfriends Character as a meat shield.

686- I am not allowed to make jokes involving the GM's girlfriend and meat
687- Not even if both she and the GM aren't in the room
689- Not even if I *am* the GM and she's not in the room
690- Unless she and I are the only two in the room... then I at least stand a chance...

691. I am no longer allowed to play a druid who thinks that farms are slavery for plants.
692. I am no longer allowed to play a druid who thinks that cities are simply the natural habitat of humanoids.
693. I am no longer allowed to get the gnome drunk on dwarven ale, and steal his pants.
694. I am no longer allowed to pour gatorade on the DM after beating the BBEG.
695. I am no longer allowed to pour gatorade on the cleric for giving me a life saving heal.
696. I am no longer allowed to play a halfling barbarian spending every feat on little hard@$$ from portable hole full of beer.
696b. Even if it does let me overrun dragons.
697. I am no longer allowed to have an evocation specialist memorize various forms of Bigby's Slapping Hand.
698. I am not allowed to use Bigby's slapping hand on the king giving us a reward.
698b. Even if I have both subtle and silent spell.
699. I am no longer allowed to taunt my players with excessive rewards guarded by monsters 10 levels higher then them, and a sign saying "Your quest this way".
700. I am not longer allowed to cast grease as the rogue is climbing the wall.
701. I am no longer allowed to cast grease as the king is walking down the stairs.
701b. Even if I have silent and subtle spell.
702. I am no longer allowed to cast grease on someone's food.
703. I am no longer allowed to cast grease.

704: I may not use leadership shenanigans to get between 4 and 6 cohorts all within a level or two of me.

705: If I break 704, I may not have my character and all the cohorts be swordsages with the superior unarmed strike feat.

706: Or be teenagers.

707: They may not all have a small object on there wrist that is an awakened construct animated object that with a traps of the sending spell on auto reset built in and levels in bard, with preform on a number of built in instruments

708: They can't all have called armor in a primary color either.

709: No belt of battle to get an extra action to summon there armor in the first round.

710: If I break all the above, I may not have the bard awakened constructs use inspire courage when they activate there called armor.

711: The song used to inspire courage may not be "Go Go Power Rangers!". If it is, the DM has permission to kill my character and all his cohorts horribly.

712: I am no longer allowed to invent spell on the fly; Bigby's Gouging Pinky, Cause Gas, Protection from Plot, etc

713: Not allowed to make a barbarian with a higher Int score than the party wizard. Specially if I remain illiterate.





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