Non Sequitur

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1001 things I'm not allowed to do.

   
60.) I am not allowed to cast summon monster and say, "I choose you!" it may be funny the first time... but it annoys the dm.
61.) When I cast dominate person on someone, soul trap, or any other similar spell, I am not allowed to say, "Your soul is mine!"

62) I'm not allowed to start combat from two miles away. Even if I do get an attack on the enemy every other turn as they close.
63) I'm not allowed to build fortifications using only my PC, his followers, and some shovels.
64) I'm not allowed to mount my ballista to my impromptu fortifications.
65) In fact, I'm not allowed to use ballista at all.
66) I'm also not allowed to give my followers ballista.
67) Or cannons.
68) Or spiked chains.
69) My PC is no longer allowed to hire mercenaries, either, even...or ESPECIALLY if he equips them himself.
70) No matter how open the structure is, my PC cannot build a grid-like structure that allows him to simultaneously buff hundreds of NPC's. Especially if if those followers have crossbows or ballista.
71) My followers may also not use such a structure to get hundreds of simultaneous ranged attacks against oncoming foes.
72) I'm not allowed to repeat the same tactic more than twice in a row.

73) I am not allowed to try bluffing an enemy to convince him that I'm his boss. After combat has started.
74) I am not allowed to create any character that the DM would cringe at if he found the full build for it online.
75) I am not allowed to ever acknowledge the Book of Erotic Fantasy's existence, let alone ask if I can use stuff out of it.
76) I am not allowed to use any spell or spell-like ability to make my character look like a famous celebrity.
77) I am not allowed to use a miniature that makes my character look either more than 5 times his actual size compared to the the rest of the characters, like he is one of the monsters we are fighting, or like a household object.

78)I am not allowed to use a dice tower, I crit to often.
79)I am not allowed to use Burning Hands to roast a pig.
80)I am not allowed to pick pocket the person who pick pocketed me, even if it is my money.
81)I am not allowed to trick our paladin to touch the trap that reverses their alignment, even if Chaotic Smart is better than Lawful Stupid.
82)I am not alllowed to buy a Pegasus, even if the game allows me too.
83)I am not allowed to buy a Fullblade, dye my hair blonde and spike it.
84)I am not allowed to have my character invent D20 Modern.
85)I am not allowed to create a character that played D&D before being transported into the World of D&D.
86)I am not allowed to have a character that has weapon proficency: Swordfish.
87)I am not allowed to play a character who's father was killed by the Big Bad.
88)I am not allowed to use the ninja miniature in a pirate game.
89)I am not allowed to have a Wizard with more than 2 spell books.
90)I am not allowed to play a Wizard at all.

93. I am not allowed to have my character seduce the BBEG and aid in oppressing the realm.

94. I am not allowed to keep a rust monster as a pet
95. I am not allowed to initiate sexual encounters with centaurs
96. I am no longer allowed to initiate orgies with tribes of orcs, no matter what bonus to diplomacy it gets us
97. I am no longer allowed to 'investigate' strange noises down tunnels by shouting 'WHO'S DOWN THERE!?'

98. I am not allowed to use my illusion spells to invent pornography.
99. D&D has no nukes.
100. Even if my campaign has nukes, they can't be plan A
101. Or B.
102. Especially if the goal is to rescue the orphaned kitties.

103) Anything that level a city by level 10 is vetoed

Interestingly enough, I actually know something in 3.5 that can do that. Naturally though no DM (sober or not) would allow that grievous abuse of feats.




 

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