Migraines have the amazing ability to unhinge the most logical and balanced of us, leaving us an emotional powder keg merely waiting to be looked at the wrong way by anyone, heh. When your head feels like there's an ice pick driven through it there's little to no ability to cope with life.

The original situation was messy. Your response to it was messy, but understandable, especially for anyone familiar with how nasty migraines can be. You're obviously under a number of serious stressors to say the least! Going at all was most certainly the worst option you had but you decided to try and be a "trooper" so to speak. Misjudging our own capacity for handling pain is a very common problem. My wife, who suffers from chronic migraines, does so on a regular basis. My children and I can tell when things are going to "hit the fan" and we back off, stay out of her way, and do our best to vacate the house and leave her be for as much time as we can until she's feeling better.

I'd actually recommend writing a letter, as odd as it sounds. That gives you time to collect your thoughts and refine what you really mean to say without the befuddlement that medical conditions, allergic reactions, or anything else can cloud in a real time interaction. It lets you take the time, when you're capable of doing so, to calmly review what happened and put down why it happened, apologize (if you intend to do so again), and move on in a more controlled fashion. If you can't handle looking at a monitor, sometimes the glow of a screen can cause my wife overloads of pain when she's suffering from migraines, there's nothing wrong with a pen and paper! The manual process of writing it and the tactile can actually help you focus and settle your feelings down as well.

Trying to give anyone personal advice about this type of stuff/situation is really pretty much impossible unfortunately. We don't really "know" you, or your friend (if he still is), or the others in the group, or any other really pertinent information. Even with your candid sharing of certain personal information aside it doesn't raise actual understanding of your situation that much, certainly not enough to help you out. Greyfeld's suggestion isn't necessarily a poor one, regardless of his reason for suggesting it, but I'd simply recommend calling up a friend you can be comfortable with or inviting that same friend over and just chatting, jelling, chilling out, etc.

Stress is difficult to deal with. Some people are better at it than others. My wife used to get angry with me for not responding to stress. It was ironic, I simply wouldn't (and still don't) respond to stress and the effect was that her stress would increase! Life is chaos and I naturally seem to separate myself from the stress, laugh at myself and the stupid things that happen in it regularly, it helps. *shrug*

When it all comes down, you apologize to everyone, quite profusely. You explain where you were at, and how awful it was, and you explain that this won't happen another time because if you ever feel like this, you'll just tell someone, and they'll understand.

If your friends are friends, they'll certainly not want to repeat the experience, and they'll want you to feel better rather than play a character.

That being said, you can't blame this on other people. At the end of the day, if you feel bad, it's your responsibility to say you can't do it. People can't read your mind, and speaking for many men, we really DON'T get it. In fact, I'd figure if someone's there, he/she is fine and ready to go.

Think about it this way. We all make mistakes and do things badly. This was your mistake, yes, but it's a learning opportunity. Anybody can have a horrible day and feel bad. You did. Apologize to everyone affected, take responsibility, and learn that the next time you aren't feeling well, you'll be doing yourself and everyone else a favor by calling it off.

It only has to be a horrible experience if you don't learn from it.

And lastly, while I'm no doctor, given the various stressful things you've been talking about (sister,family, migraines), your description (creating ECL characters should be fun, not something one HAS to do), and the way you've been writing ...you might want to make sure that you are feeling well yourself. If all these outside things are really bothering you that much, then therapy might be a good move. I wouldn't be very happy myself in the same situation. Sometimes episodes like this are meant to show us a problem, and what we need to do to fix it.

Again, you know yourself. Yes, it's bad, but yes, you can apologize. And yes, you can treat it as a learning experience and an excuse to take better care of yourself. Learn from it and all will be well

Fair enough, but being pissed doesn't allow you to stop someone from leaving in their vehicle when they choose.

Huh. Mood swings from migraines? That... guess I'm "lucky" that isn't one of my side effects.

I'm not able to drive during mine. Or get angry. Or do much other than take a dangerous amount of sleeping meds, curl up in a bed, bury my face under two blankets to soak up all the light and sound they can. Not that it makes a huge difference since I get the borderline-hallucination sensory migraines and when full out, that includes what's known as synesthesia. Even the feel of my own heartbeat hurts. It's also reddish-purple.

And then hope it all goes away before I wake up.

I'm told natural childbirth. Broken ribs. Getting shot. Hangovers. And heart attacks. None of them hurt as bad as migraines. I wouldn't know. I BELIEVE it. But have avoided all those events thus far in my life, I don't know. But I can say a broken (in half) leg is pretty small potatoes in comparison.


So when I say this, I say it as someone who empathizes on every possible level: mood swings aren't a good sign. Nor is them getting worse as you get older. For the majority, symptoms tend to go away with age (I'm down from six or so times a year to two...)

And yeah, I gotta agree with grey, your posts, though exaggerated for effect I am certain, do sound like anger or personality issues. They're not a symptom of most migraines. Coupled with the increasing severity you mention... if I were you, I'd be getting a CAT scan and a blood test.

No joke.

Blood test is to rule out contaminates. Lead poisoning's a very unlikely but possible option. So's arsenic. Very small amounts of arsenic, mind you, but arsenic. And carbon monoxide. All can cause mood changes. And if you have a tendency to get migraines, can set them off.

I also know that diabetic symptoms can cause severe mood swings. Like "your honor I was not legally responsible for my actions at the time" kinds of serious. And will often trigger migraines in those that have them.

And last but not least. Tumor. I am serious. Get the scan. I got one because, while unlikely for those who start their migraines as young children to have tumors (or at least survive with no other brain symptoms 'till adulthood), it was still a possibility. But for anyone whose migraines START as an adult, or get worse with age, it's a real possibility.

Wow... I've done this... nearly. Minus the car bit. I walked 2 miles and then caught a ride home with a stranger. I wanted to get away from the dude giving me a left, even before I got in the car. It was the longest ride I've ever taken.

Best thing you can do is apologize, and explain why it occured.

I disagree about it being an anger or personality issue. When I'm suffering from a migraine I can push past it for awhile and function. The longer I try and push past it, the more things agrevate it, and the more intolerent I become while I try and hold myself together.

Shockingly, I actually underwent 12 years of therapy. Their diagnoses of me, depression and ADD. Which the therapist was believed by a number of things (The Depression, not the ADD), one of which was the migraines.

I strongly recomend snaging the CAT scan, the blood tests, and I'd add in an MRI. It's a good idea to check in with a therapist, and talk with one. If after your session you find that the therapy is either making you feel better/you enjoy it, or you and the therapist agree you need it continure with it.

But that's off topic.

You may want to describe a migraine as being stressful to the point of walking upon a tight rope with the width of a hair, over the grand canon, while interviewers are flying over head and talking to you with microphones.

Add in that it feels like the spawn of an alien is eating away a chunk of your brain, if they may envision the agony of that in it's entirety then, they may be vaguely able to comprehend the annoyance and severity of the pain you experienced.

I honestly can not imagine how you got home safely, but I'm glad you did.

My favorite description is that a baboon snuck up behind me, cracked open my skull, climbed inside, and is currently pleasuring himself with the back side of my eye socket.

I've texted him saying:

"Calling a migraine one of my moods is like calling an impact fracture a small cut. It also used mother's language, which is quite frankly a giant insult. If any medical professional knew that I'd been driving whilst suffering a migraine, they'd petition to take my driver's license."

I hope he never gets one. Even my usually ignorant folks were saying how pale I was that night.

For some reason I always get home safely, like when I had the last one I had in May (caused by being under the strip lighting in the college building for a day tutorial). This is why I can't work in supermarkets/retail/fast food/anywhere that uses a lot of strip lighting.

P.S. Not sure whether I will continue playing at all but I feel that may be a question for another thread.

Please, please, please don't count on that each time you get in the car. I've flown three patients out this month from a town of about 1500 who were all in a better condition to drive.

Often I have no choice in regards to driving so I end up driving when I know I shouldn't. You can thank First Buses for being total tossers who make Lolth look Lawful Good.

Matt has justified the language by saying that I exhibit behaviour unique to me when stressed. Somehow I doubt that my behavioural response to stress is THAT unique.

Edit: Now it's just getting into an argument. He's saying he wants to help and that I'm running from those who want to help...... right.... so I'm in counselling and SELF REFERRED to said counselling because I run. I'm just getting more and more upset and I know a few people who are going to want his head on a platter because of this.

Lovely. This situation can only get worse if a nuclear bomb was to drop on the county.

Sounds like you're beating your head against a wall. Time to try a different approach, whether that being a new counselor/therapist, trying medication (under careful medical supervision), trying a different kind of therapy, seeing a doctor about the migraines, taking a vacation, whatever. The point is, you aren't happy with where your life is at right now, and YOU need to make the changes necessary to improve it. You can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself.

Side note: just because you're self-referred to counseling doesn't mean you're committed to it (speaking from my own lack of committment to self-sought therapy).