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Price: Death of a Hero

   
Price: Death of a Hero

Throughout history there have been stories of those blessed with great power. Heroes and gods, villains and daemons. But behind the myth and legend, a grain of truth hides. Men who could rend steel with their bare hands, wise women able to turn simple woodland fare into miracle cures.

Through the ages these beings and their strange, alien powers over mind and body have shaped history. Look upon them with awe, for they have the power to reshape the world. Look upon them with pity, for the greater their feats, the more they must suffer.

For every action, there is a reaction.

For every gift, a Price.


(And if that doesn't sell you, the main character utters the phrase "I swear I'm only gay for pay.")



Claiming a post here to provide links to each chapter as they come out. If anyone knows a good way to do chapter linking that's actually remotely convenient, that'd be great. Until then, I'mma use the quote system.

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Chapter 1
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Chapter 2
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Chapter 3
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Chapter 4
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Kitten's rap sheet
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Chapter 5, Laura
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Chapter 6
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Chapter 7
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Chapter 8
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Chapter 9
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Chapter 10
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Chapter 11
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Chapter 12- Com
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Chapter 13
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Chapter 14

Claiming a post here to provide various other updates, announcements, Word of God, and worldbuilding background info that I might want the readers to know, but be unable to work into the story.

Remember to check back here fairly regularly.


Chapter 1


I took a slow, deep breath. Okay, this is it. Time to go out there and be a hero. I didn't know why I was so nervous, my power made me unstoppable. I looked out the windshield, psyching myself up.


We'd stopped in the parking lot between a bowling alley and a bar. The former was closed, the latter would be soon. Some woman took a drag of what was probably a cigarette, while watching us suspiciously. That she was wearing a miniskirt and high heels in the middle of October left little question as to her career path.


I glanced over at Laura and gave her my best smile. "This is where I get out and you drive off."


She scowled at me through her metallic blue bangs, pointedly ignoring the audience. "No. This is Erica we're talking about. You owe me this."


I carefully kept my face neutral. She was right, she helped me a lot already, but this was just too dangerous for her. "My powers won't let me protect you. A stray bullet is all it would take for me to be avenging two deaths instead of one. I can't lose you." I hesitated, almost adding the word 'too' to the end of that. I need to cover that up.


"Please," I whispered, desperate for her to actually listen to me for once in either of our lives.


We sat there for a minute as she studied my face. I did my best to project confidence, but there was no one who could read me better than she could. Still, there was no way in hell I could risk her getting hurt out there. I didn't need to sleep anymore, so if nothing else she'd be forced to cave before I did. She must have realized the same thing, because her determined look gave way to regret and acceptance.


"Hurt them extra for me."


I wasn't really sure how it was possible to hurt them more than I was planning, already, but it was an easy promise to make. "I'll torture them extra while waiting for the police to show up." A lie, I had no intentions of letting the police get involved. The already failed their chance. I reached over and pushed the button on her CD player. "Making them listen to this should just about cover it."


She slapped my hand away. "Leave my music alone, asshole!"


"Yeah, you're right. That's probably a violation of the Geneva Convention or something." Honestly, I had no idea what the CD even was. Knowing her tastes, it was probably something tribal or techno. Not that bad, honestly, but I wouldn't be caught dead telling her that.


She pushed the disk back in the player. It automatically started, and I was treated to some combination of synthetic stuff with a sort of Indian sound. "Touch my music again and I'll break your fingers. Again." Not much of a threat, given my powers. I made sure to pretend to be appropriately terrified. After a minute, she spoke up. "So, how long will this take you? Should I wait nearby?"


I shook my head. "No. If this gets messy, the police might get called in." I patted the hilt of the sword hidden under my coat. She got my meaning, this wasn't exactly the legal way to go about things. "Better for them to think I came alone." Or at least that I won't turn over my accomplice. "They'll go easy on me since I'm a minor, and a superhero." If my online research was right, then that was probably true. Either way, I didn't need it to be true, I just needed her to believe it was. And now to distract her so she wouldn't point out how stupid everything I just said was. I gestured at the literal and figurative streetwalker who was still watching us. "She seems nice, you could probably kill a bit of time."


"Just get out of my car."


I'd already pulled the handle and was moving to escape, and then her foot hit me square in my lower back. I stumbled forward into the gravel while Laura's car sped off and turned onto the street. The prostitute's eyes narrowed as she looked at me. Then I realized that there was shimmer of light coming from under my trench coat, indicating that my power had activated. ****. Funny thing about pain, the bad injuries don't hurt, at least not until the adrenaline wore off or something. And for me that wasn't a problem anymore.


I fumbled in through the coat, pulling the edge of the sword out of my lower thigh and finding my cell phone. I turned it on before pulling it out and took it to my ear immediately, hoping the glow of the screen was enough to fool her. "Hey, yeah, I was just about to call you." I tried to make my voice sound deeper. Please work, please work. "Sorry, we're not gonna be able to make it to the party. Car problems. Yeah, ****in' sucks. See ya Monday." I closed the phone and put it away.


My power had done its job a while ago, so I stood up and started walking. The path took me pretty close to the prostitute. "Sorry babe, I tried." I had no idea why I felt the need to acknowledge her, but after she'd watched all that, saying nothing to her felt weird.


"Better luck next time, lover."


With that she lost all interest in me, taking another drag as I walked away. It took me all of another five minutes to find the building whose address I had spent all day memorizing and staring at on the maps. It didn't look like anything special, simply an abandoned auto repair building in a set of neighborhoods that really had no interest in keeping things nice. There weren't any obvious guards, but that didn't mean much in the age of cell phones. Oh well, I don't need to set up or be cautious. My power's too good for that. I pulled down the cheap ski mask and stepped out of the alleyway. This is the moment.


Not even bothering to check to see if the door was locked, I withdrew my cavalry saber and slashed the door handle. The clang of it more smashing the handle than cutting it eliminated all possibility of stealth. I kicked the door and walked in, dragging the tip across the concrete behind me. The blue, white and yellow sparks of my power shimmered along the blade mending the damage it took. Damn my power is badass


My vision was replaced by darkness before I had a chance to say something cool. The sound of a gunshot rang through the building even as my vision returned, awash with light as my power put me back together. Turning the various bits of my body to glowing dust and reassembling even as more bullets tore into me. I just kept walking forward as my injuries mended themselves. Pain wasn't really a thing, and they were using small handguns that didn't have much impact force.


Then I stumbled and dropped to the ground. I may have shouted something, but in the sounds echoing of the gunfire, no one could hear anything. The ****?


I looked at where a crossbow bolt was sticking out of my shin. It shimmered and then was forced out of the wound even as more shots came in. I finally took the time to really look at my surroundings. Four men, and only three of them had guns. The last one was busy reloading an honest to god crossbow. I rolled the next time he fired. Bullets were nothing, but that weapon actually had an effect on me.


Maybe it was some kind of gadget weapon?


I was up on my feet and running toward him after he missed the second shot. He dodged out of the way of my swing, and my sword cut into a cheap table. Cards and money scattered to the ground and a certain part of me hoped crossbow dude was winning that game. My backswing was better, catching his weapon and knocking it out of his hand. Hopefully it was expensive.


The other men stopped firing, either because they didn't want to hit their buddy, or because they'd just figured out bullets were useless. He backed up against the wall as I took a couple steps closer, my sword pointed at him. The man was probably twice my age, a few inches taller and a lot broader than I was. Kinda looked like my algebra teacher, which was pretty funny to imagine him staring at me in fear.


"Now, there's only two ways for this to go down. Tell me where to find Flux, or we'll test to see if your immortality is as good as mine." I wasn't even breathing hard, another fun side effect of my power. I didn't need to eat, never got tired, and I was pretty sure I didn't need air.


His eyes never left the tip of the blade only a few inches away from his chest. "Uh. He's in the other room, with Kitten."


"Wh-" My question was interrupted with a sudden crunching sound, and my view had changed. Where before I was looking at a man, now I found my head had been twisted around backward, and I got a look at the slender young blonde. A few years younger than me, easily. I immediately knew she was imbued, from the indigo light radiating from her eyes.


"You interrupted my nap," she growled at me. Not a figure of speech, the sound her voice made didn't belong to a human being.


A man's voice spoke up. "You really should not have done that."


I twisted and swung my sword. She had powers, and that made it okay for me to hit her even if she was a little girl. Also, she just broke my neck. I needn't have worried, since she ducked under the blade anyway. I heard a crackling noise as her dark energy aura swirled along her arm and around her hand, condensing into blades as she clawed upward across my jaw and face. Once again I was blinded, but this time I didn't have time to react before something hit me hard in the gut. If it was a punch, she had super strength. If it was a kick, then she probably still had super strength. I slammed hard into the concrete wall of the building.


"So, you're a new face," she said cheerfully as my body restored itself. "High level regeneration, extending to your clothes. That's kinda neat." My vision cleared, and I got a really good look at her. Almost a foot shorter than me, she wearing a tight tank top and cotton shorts that made it pretty clear she had only barely reached puberty. Her short cropped hair only added to the androgyny. "Got a name, newbie?"


I didn't bother answering, simply taking another swing at her. She jumped back, landing feet first on the cheap metal chair. Somehow, she managed to stay balanced, and spring boarded off it and onto my head. Her knee cracked into my face and I found myself on my back. She landed with both feet, toes first, in my stomach. That move actually hurt, and I coughed in surprise.


"Okay, fine, be that way." She turned her head. "Hey, Flux? My powers don't know how to kill this guy."


"Think he has some kind of power that nulls your senses?" I got my first look at Flux. The ****er I was here to kill. I already recognized his costume from pictures I'd found online. Black, with a thin yellow lines in a sort of circuitry pattern across it.


"Nope, they work just fine." She was just standing there, having a conversation, on top of me! I slowly snuck my hand under my trench coat. "I can kick his ass, but there's nothing I can do to kill him."


She wasn't even looking at me. I squeezed the trigger on the little nine mil I'd kept in an inside pocket. Shimmers of blue and white followed the gunshots, mending my coat from where the bullets punched through. Kitten simply flipped backward off of me, doing a handstand as her long skinny legs extended fully above her. Somehow, she avoided every shot.


"See, not a threat at all." She was still standing on her hands. I gripped my sword and took another attempt at hitting her while she was hopefully vulnerable. Again I missed as she casually avoided the attack. I sprang to my feet while she flipped back onto hers. A moment later, she kicked forward and I found myself blinded again, this time for longer. I reached up to my face, feeling around the damaged area. A piece of metal was sticking out of my face. A crossbow bolt? Fu- and then my hand crunched into my skull, and my elbow shattered. She'd kicked my arm hard enough to sink my hand into my skull.


I fell back onto the ground, my power struggling to undo the damage even while she was gripping me. I couldn't see, or hear, through the damage she'd done to me, but my sense of touch told me that I was being grabbed by legs and dragged. Later, I'd wonder what it said about me and my power that I was literally able to function without a brain, but that was lost on me right then.


By the time I'd managed to pull my hand and the crossbow bolt out of my own face, we were out back of the building, and I was laying in the gravel. Kitten was hanging by her legs from the top of the same door I'd broken in through.


"You really kinda suck at this, y'know."


I rose to my feet, glancing and noting the thugs who helped pull me outside had retreated back in. At least they were still afraid of me. "I don't have to be good. You'll get tired eventually. I can keep going until you die of old age if that's what it takes."


"There's a thought." She put a finger up to her face, tilted her head, and made a good imitation of thinking about a problem. Even tilting her head up. Or, well, her perspective of up at least. "Of course, if you become too much of a problem I'm sure I could just bury you alive. Or do you have a power to stop that." ****, I didn't think about that. "Oh, you don't? Man, and people think I'm insane."


She dropped off the door, somehow rolling in mid air to land on her feet, and rushing at me. She easily sidestepped my attack, and kicked my leg backward. "Seriously, that's such an obvious weakness!" I turned to block her next attack, and the shimmering dark blue claw of her hand sliced open my wrist. "How is that not the first thing you thought of?"


She sidestepped and her foot came up into my stomach, sending me rolling back again. I wheezed as my body forced my lungs back into their proper place. "Don't worry, I promise not to do that to you. You're fun to fight, in a sad sort of way. Besides, it's not like you're a threat."


I almost screamed as the roughly fourteen year old girl casually evaded another swipe of my sword. She giggled and hopped back. Her smile wasn't malicious at all, almost like she was playing with her pet dog. "Speaking of which, where did you learn to fight? You move like all your combat skills came from watching Saturday morning cartoons. It's boring. I thought Tanks were supposed to have some kind of backup trick? Like super strength or flying or claws? All you've got is super fast regeneration. It's not good enough. You have to be stronger than this!"


I rushed forward, and she evaded me with a backflip. I felt the lightest pressure as the sword's tip briefly caught the inside of her skirt, slashing the cloth. Considering what she was wearing, I couldn't have been more than an inch from hitting flesh. That is always my problem. If I were only a little stronger, a little faster, I could win. But I wasn't, and my powers didn't change that at all.


"Ru~ude!" Her voice was singsong. "I liked these shorts. She looked down at the tear along her inner thigh. "Well, I guess they're still good, battle damage adds character, right?"


I didn't answer, charging forward for another slash. She ducked under, punched the sword aside, and caught me in a judo throw. I ended up face first in the grass, the light shimmers of my power regenerating the various scrapes while I climbed to my feet.


"Kinda neat that you regenerate your clothes, though. Never met anyone who could do that before." Kitten's voice came from behind me, almost speculative. "Think it'll work on more complex stuff? Ooh! Maybe you should think about strapping a bomb to yourself! Then you can go boom whenever you need to! Even I would have trouble fighting that kind of tactic, no matter how garbage you are in a fight. You could call yourself the Kamikaze Kid. Or Captain Jihad!"


Climbing to my feet again, I turned to face her. A growl my only response. I wasn't ready to admit that she was right. I knew nothing about combat past what I'd seen on television and in movies. I didn't think I needed to know what I was doing, my power made me literally unkillable and mostly unstoppable. Turns out, that wasn't enough to win a fight. I put the blade between us, maybe with a bit of luck, I could hit her when she attacked me.


A feigned cough nearby interrupted her taunting. "Come on, Kitten. That's just offensive. Besides, he's clearly new to his power. Maybe he just hasn't figured out what his other abilities are. Not everyone's as lucky as you were to get super combat instincts built in."


"Super ninja instincts!" She pouted and stomped her foot in the gravel.


As if it isn't bad enough that I'm getting my ass handed to me by a little girl. Does she really have to act so childish?


Flux continued speaking. "So, Mister Nameless Vigilante, do you have any limits on your powers that we should know about? Like amount of healing you can do per day? I know she said she can't kill you, but her power can be wrong about these things. If you start feeling like you're at your limit, you really should let us know."


Kitten took her eyes off me. "Flu~ux," she whined. "Stop taking the fun out of it!"


She went to say something more, but I didn't give her the chance. I lunged forward, and she stepped to the side, easily avoiding my attack. Her own deep blue power shimmer formed, right before her claw sliced into my upper arm. Ice crystals spread across my trenchcoat, and my limb went numb. Well, that's a new trick.


She hadn't even bothered to look at me. "And you stop being rude!"


I was immediately awash in light as the damage to my arm, including the cold, was regenerated along with the trench coat. At least I knew I wouldn't have to dedicate a ****ton of money to repair my costume when it took damage.


Her foot came up between my legs, and I almost threw up from the pain of flesh and bone being shredded. Apparently, being able to ignore pain didn't mean that kind of pain. I gritted my teeth, trying desperately to not think about the feeling of suction as she pulled her foot out of... inside me. Tears soaked through my mask, either from the pain or sheer frustration, I couldn't decide at that moment.


"Oh, grody! Now you ruined my shoes!" She lifted her blood soaked foot, and the sandal she was wearing drooped down, heavy with stuff that should have been inside me.


I coughed as my body started restoring itself. Shimmers formed across her foot as the blood and viscera converted into whatever it was my power turned it into, and it rushed back to me, replacing the damage with healthy flesh yet again. Back to full strength, and still not strong enough to matter.


Kitten clapped her hands and laughed with all the glee of a child who got exactly what she wanted for Christmas. "Oh, wow, that's so cool! Look, Flux, he's self cleaning! This is so much fun!"


"I can see that, sweetie." His voice was amused, doting even. "Try not to be too rough on him. After all, if you break him you can't play with him anymore."


She again stopped paying attention in order to argue with her teammate. "Awww, but he's not even tired!"


"Is that so? Because that looked like it hurt. A lot."


"I'm fine!" I rose to my feet, my breathing having returned to normal. I readied myself for her attack.


"See! He's absolutely perfect!" She dove forward and was past my guard before I even had a chance to register that she moved. Her hands planted into the ground and both her heels connecting firmly with my jaw. My teeth slammed together, severing the tip of my tongue. Plus I'm pretty sure a whole bunch of bones got broken. By the time I hit the ground, I was partially blinded by the glow of my own power regenerating me, not that being able to see was doing me any favors. Story of my ****ing life. I'm supposed to be strong now. That's what I was promised.


"But you really should wrap this up. We gotta go shopping for a new home. Or at the very least a new door."


She's way too fast for me, and what did Flux say she had? Combat instincts? I turned my head toward him. He was the one I really wanted to kill. Maybe I should just try to get around her and go aft- Everything went black and I could smell the dust through my cheap mask. I couldn't even scream as my own sword found its way through my chest from behind, pinning me into the ground.


"Naughty, naughty," Kitten whispered in my ear. "Don't you know it's rude to ditch a lady at a dance?"


She twisted the blade as she pushed it deeper into the ground. "Honestly, where did you learn your manners? He's right, though. We really should wrap this up. My power's telling me it should take you at least ten minutes to pull yourself out of this." Another twist, and the only thing that kept me from screaming was that the blade was blocking the air. "Face it, you're just not strong enough."


The pain wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was knowing Kitten was right. I was weak. Useless. I couldn't save Erica when she was alive. I couldn't tell her how I felt about her. I couldn't even avenge her death. I'm not strong enough.


I felt the familiar tug in the back of my mind. It was there, the promise that I could have power I needed. It was within reach, if only I accepted it. I reached out, and then hesitated. I didn't know how I could know, but if I did this, something terrible would happen. There had to be another way. Like waiting to go after Flux later, when Kitten wasn't there to protect him. Or even doing what Kitten said and trying the suicide bomber approach. I could feel the power slipping away again. I didn't really need it, and I knew I didn't want it. I could accept defeat now, because the price of victory was too high.


==================


A/N- Kitten may or may not be partially inspired by a certain Cowboy Bebop character.

And somehow I just know that the default fan OTP pairing is gonna be Zach and Kitten. Because that's how these things work.

Chapter 2


Why did I ever sign up for home ec? Seriously, what is the point of this class? I glanced around at the disproportionate number girls who were in the classroom in their surprisingly revealing clothes for late fall. Ah, right, now I remember. What a glorious time to be a teenage boy.


I could have won one of them over if I was given some time to work my charms. Unfortunately, I wound up stuck with Ferne. The girl was every definition of plain, with medium brown hair, eyes, and skin. Probably some kind of Asian mix, if only from her figure. I had more curves. Still, her face was pretty cute, and it's not like I'd have a lot of competition. Hmm, could be worth a shot.


She caught me looking at her from across the table, so I had to make a comment. "Can you explain why we have to do this? I doubt that anyone on the face of the planet has ever uttered 'my life is wonderful and it's all because I learned how to make gingerbread houses'."


Her slight smile never wavered. "Not a clue. I'm just here for the easy 'A'."


And she never laughs at anything I say. Oh well, if my genius is going to be unappreciated anyway, I may as well amuse myself by lobbing one over her head. "Yeah, easy A's are the shared dream of all-" I was cut off mid sentence by a tightening in my chest. ****, not now.


"Are you okay?"


I took a slow breath, forcing myself to control my breathing as best I could. Years of practice made it easy enough to lie. "Yeah, just gotta go to the bathroom."


"Gross." Even saying that, her neutral voice and smile were constant.


I tried to focus on that, instead of the hot spiced air of this damn home ec room. Of course this shit school wouldn't have considered ventilation when designing a kitchen. That'd make far too much sense. I glanced at the clock, it was only ten minutes between classes and I couldn't wait for that. Mrs. Schmidt wouldn't accept the bathroom excuse. That fossil hadn't experienced a reason to go to the bathroom since the mid fifties. I needed a better excuse.


I grabbed the tube of icing and squeezed hard, squirting a fair amount of the stuff on my face. A couple of the girls noticed almost immediately and snickered, prompting others to look. Oh, good, I was afraid I'd actually have to make a scene.


The Cryptkeeper in drag that was our Home Ec teacher frowned at the laughter. "Mister Parker, are you aware that you're disrupting class?"


I offered my best smile, and a bit of frosting dropped into my lap. "Sorry, got a little too enthusiastic and it went off early. These things come with a hair trigger." Most of the class was trying very hard not to laugh now. Except for Ferne. "I should probably wash up."


"Please do."


I got up and rushed out the door before she had a chance to tell me to use the classroom sink. Once in the hallway I fumbled for my inhaler, taking one last glance to make sure no one saw before blasting my lungs with the god awful concoction that kept me alive. The pain in my chest quickly eased itself, and I spared one more glance to make sure no one saw me before slipping the inhaler back into my pocket.


Time to clean up from my little stunt. The bathroom wasn't that far away, but I made sure to walk slow. If at all possible, I'd be back in class a minute before the bell rang to let us out. Enough time to grab my books and help Ferne clean up our table, but enough to avoid having to sit back down. I opened the door and walked into the bathroom. It looked and smelled about the same as all other men's rooms in Arlington. Which is to say, like shit. The glow of fluorescent light didn't do the room any favors, and the janitor still hadn't replaced the one that had died before we got out for summer.


I pushed that handle on the dispenser and left some of the brown paper dangling for later. No ****ing way was I touching that handle after I was clean. I didn't waste my time checking the soap dispensers. They hadn't worked last year, I didn't expect them to work now. I scrubbed the cream off of my face, gritting my teeth at the itchy sensation of sticky drying sugar on my skin. Resolving internally that the next time I had an attack in class, I'd just walk out of the room. Detentions were less of a pain in the ass.


Near as I could tell, no one bothered to wash the mirrors since spring, either. Past the streaks of dirt and other stuff I hoped was spit, I got a look at myself. What was I thinking? None of the girls in class would give me the time of day. Even Ferne thought she could do better. She was probably right, too. I was short, skinny, and my hair color occupied the least interesting position between blond and brown. Speaking of hair, that gunk just wasn't coming out. I was beginning to suspect the school tried to save a few bucks by using actual glue instead of frosting. Making it back to class before the bell wasn't going to happen. I'd be lucky to avoid being tardy to the next class.


"Hey man, what happened to you?"


I looked up from my position leaning over the sink. Alex was standing by the door. Part of me really wished I could hate the guy. Tall, that kind of good looking that usually belonged in the movies, and star of both the football team and half the school's dreams He even had rich parents. I was exactly none of those things. "Well, I was gonna take a piss, but then a few guys mistook me for your mother. On the plus side, made twenty bucks."


He chuckled and shook his head. "**** you, Zach."


"That costs extra."


He waited a couple seconds, then the smile faded. "But seriously, are you okay? If there's anyone giving you or anyone else trouble, I'll make sure they stop."


I turned back to the mirror and sink, my futile attempts to get this shit out of my hair were used as an equally futile attempt avoid this conversation. I looked at him through the mirror as I kept working on the problem.


It was true, if there was a problem he'd be the person to go to first around here. The teachers in this place didn't really give a **** about most of us, but Alex got the Raptors to State last year as a Sophomore, and they were talking Championships this time. If he asked the right way, Coach Murray would probably hire a guy from the mob to disappear someone. But my problems weren't that easy to fix.


I offered a lopside smile. "Dude, I don't know what the rumor mill puked up this week, but I promise you I'm only gay for pay. But I am flattered."


"Well, that saves me a trip to the office for one of those outreach pamphlets."


And to top it off, he had a sense of humor. Did I mention how much I wished I could hate this guy? "Pick some up, anyway. They're better toilet paper than the actual toilet paper around here. Think you can fix that?"


"Sorry, some things are just impossible. Not unless you have powers or something. Of course, if you asked me what superpower I would like to have, I think I could do better than 'summon toilet paper'. Notice that when they make movies about people becoming heroes despite having stupid powers, that one's never on the list." He turned and left, apparently content that I was okay.


Yeah, powers. That'd be something. I could think of a few I'd like. Hell, even some of the silly sounding ones could be fun. Anima could summon cartoon monsters and swords and armor that worked. I never could understand why she wasted all that power on making props for children's plays. I could probably even work with summoning toilet paper. Because, hey, when you need it, you really need it.


At least I finally got that shit out of my hair. And then the class bell rang. God damn it. I walked, quickly, back to the home ec room. I could muddle through some classes without needing the textbook. History was not one of those classes. I found myself waiting at the doorway as the other kids filed out. There was no way I was going to push through that mess, so I'd have to wait until they were gone, and then hope I could snag my stuff before the inbound rush cut me off again and made me late for history.


I almost didn't even see Ferne as she stepped out. "Oh, good, you're here." She extended her arms, and I noticed that my books were sitting on top of hers.


I accepted them, while formulating the proper excuse. "Sorry, I figured we only had a few minutes left and I could use the vacation. Thanks for having my back."


She shrugged and started walking. "Even the easiest 'A' requires showing up."


Did... did she just make a joke? Was that her idea of flirting? Or was she just calling me irresponsible? I honestly had no idea. By the time I came up with a quip to throw back at her, it was too late to use it. Something I'd have to puzzle wait until Tuesday to sort out. Right now, I would spend my time looking forward to the three day weekened. Columbus may have been an asshole, but thanks to him I got to sleep in on a Monday once a year, so he had my seal of approval.


I managed to get to class well before the bell rang, and had my book open. History was one of the few subjects I ever enjoyed, and Miss Harmon was part of the reason. She was hot, fresh out of college, and had a voice I would listen to read the phone book. Which was good, because this was still history class. Unfortunately, it also meant she was still passionate about the whole teaching and learning thing. So she was all about group projects and finding ways to make us think about history on the theory that it would make us remember the details better. And it worked, too.


Miss Harmon's usual exuberance was missing when I got into the classroom. She looked like she was about to cry, but waited for us to all sit down before speaking. "Well, I was going to have us do a project on the significance of the Louis and Clarke expedition and colonization of the American West, but something more immediate has come up. She reached up to the TV hanging from the ceiling on... whatever they called that thing they used to hang TVs from ceilings.


It was obviously a recording of a news program, probably one that Miss Harmon made herself. Clearly an amateur recording job, didn't even catch the newscaster at the beginning of the report. Some older lady, I didn't recognize her.


"- preliminary forensic investigation, but the death of the hundred and thirty three year old war hero appears to have been from natural causes."​


I recognized the emblem in the little box they used to show pictures next to the people speaking. A red shield with a stylized flower on front. It was one of the most recognizable symbols in the United States that wasn't stars or an eagle. The sigil of the Rose Knight.


Oh. ****. Judging by the gasps and murmurs, others were coming to the same conclusion. The last Pope's death wasn't this big. Then again, the Pope didn't have twelve movies based on his life, the earliest three barely even having sound, or a national holiday in his honor. The newscaster carried on, telling us all the things we already knew.


"Solomon Brown, also known as the Rose Knight, retired from the public view five years ago, citing that his growing health concerns were outpacing his powers."​


"Rose Knight was one of the last remaining of what are now known as the 'first modern superheroes', those Imbued humans who started the tradition of masked samaritanism that has become synonymous with superheroes over the last century. He served the United States during both World Wars before retiring from the military to fight a different sort of battle. That for racial equality in the United States, and the world at large."​


"Awarded the Medal of Freedom in 1953-"​


Meanwhile, the screen had gone through several iterations of the hero's image. His early costumes were full body concealing steel. According to legend, he built his first out of the scraps of a demolished tank. By the time the World War Two had rolled around, his armor was on a whole other level, with technology that allowed him to, at least to some degree, manipulate energy. The telltale red glow of the energy fields that gave him his name and made him the force to be feared during the war. They switched to his last suit, timed for when the woman talked about race rights. This final suit showed parts of his face and hands. Despite being terribly scarred from burns that he received in the first world war, he was quite clearly a black man. A detail not lost on the last series of movies dedicated to his life story.


Miss Harmon turned off the TV and hit the stop button on the player underneath, then looked back toward us. "I want you to get into teams of four, and remember you can't work with any of the same people as you worked with for your last two projects. I would like us to honor Mister Brown's legacy by examining the World Wars and the civil rights movement, and how different modern history would be without Imbued involvement. Once you have your group, please select two decades from the twentieth century that you'd like to make a report on and place them on my desk before you leave. Other than that, consider this a free period."


The shuffle for partners was a pain in the ass, but this was a class with a nice convenient thirty two people in it, so one way or another we'd all end up somewhere. Eventually I managed to get Eddie, Cassie and Amber. Didn't know Amber enough to have an opinion, but she was kinda cute as far as black girls go. Eddie was the brains of this pool, no doubt. And Cassie... was eye candy and she knew it. The blonde looked more like twenty than sixteen, and her clothes were as flaunting as possible without being trashy. By high school standards, which meant she was still pretty trashy. She'd be trading pouts and glances at cleavage in exchange for us doing her work for her.


We spent most of the hour talking about which periods we wanted. Amber went the obvious route, advocating the fifties and the civil rights movement. Eddie opted for Prohibition, and I had to admit it had my vote. Back in the era when people still believed mad science was actually science, and the villains practiced bizarre codes of honor and class alongside their brutality. Cassie seemed to have exactly no opinion, so we agreed on presenting those two decades. I didn't have the heart to tell Amber that almost everyone was going to take the fifties and sixties, so the odds were we'd have the twenties.


The bus trip home was as uneventful as a yellow tube full of loud children could hope to be. I ignored the stink of pot from the back and the stink of freshmen from the front as best I could. Followed by the stink of exhaust after I got off my stop. From there, it was a walk in the brisk autumn air to my house. I noticed the dark blue car in the driveway. That was strange, she almost never came over.


I opened the door to find her sitting on the couch. Her makeup was a mess, and it was obvious she was crying despite her metallic blue dyed bangs covering her face. She hadn't even noticed me coming in the door, instead clutching a ratty newspaper.


Dread spread out from my stomach. "Laura? What's wrong?" I was hoping against hope that I was wrong, but I already knew.


"I-it's Erica," she managed to sob, holding the paper out to me. "They found her b-body."


The pain in my stomach climbed up to my chest. I was reading the newspaper before I even realized I was took it. I can't quite remember what it said, and Laura's abuse of the paper made some parts impossible to read. But the words 'nude', 'sexual assault' and 'mutilated' were enough to let me know more than I ever wanted to know. I clenched my eyes shut and tried not to let those words mar my memories of her. Her laugh, her smile, the feelings I never dared tell her I had.


Everything was so ****ing unfair.


Then I realized that the pain in my chest was sharpening. I couldn't breathe. As if I didn't have enough to worry about. And then, I didn't. The pain subsided, if only for a moment, a sample of the things that could be mine. I couldn't explain how I knew, but I understood I could have that, if I wanted it. I didn't doubt. I accepted the power that offered itself to me.


Energy coursed through me, and I could feel everything it was doing. Repairing the damage to my lungs almost immediately. Clearing the inflammation, clearing the allergens that caused that inflammation, removing the causes of those allergies. Removing, replacing, changing, fixing. Laura stared at me, and I could see the glow of my skin reflected through her green eyes. My power was even cleaning the acne off of my face.


"Zach! You got powers?"


Yes. I did. "Good ones. Really good." It didn't get much better than unkillable, now did it? "You still talking to Rex?" The dude was a real scum piece of work, but he was a scum piece of work I could use right now.


Her eyes narrowed, possibly confused by the sudden change of topic. Or maybe just defensive that I'd tell her he was scum again. "He comes by the shop sometimes. Why?" She meant the tattoo parlor she worked at. As neutral an answer as she could give.


"Because if anyone knows how to find Erica's killer, it's him."


My sister's vindictive smile mirrored my own.

Chapter 3


Kitten pushed the blade a little deeper into the ground, and I struggled for screams that my body couldn't give. The humiliation and frustration were worse than the physical pain. I wasn't strong enough to avenge Erica, and I wasn't brave enough to do what I needed to become strong enough. I stopped my struggling attempts to push her off of me and pull myself off of the ground. There wasn't any point. Instead, I struggled to speak. Without lungs, that was impossible, but maybe Kitten knew how to read lips?


Kitten relaxed, leaning in close. "Trying to say something?"


I nodded, and this time when I screamed, I made noise. Kitten had shoved the blade sideways, clearing the path of one of my lungs to regenerate back to my mouth. I gasped for the air my body didn't know I didn't need. The bitter dust we'd kicked out of the gravel was the sweetest smell I'd ever known. I felt her tapping on the handle of the sword, I wouldn't have long before she got impatient. I struggled to get the words out while using only one lung. "H-how. How can you help him? Don't you know what he's done to all those girls?"


She laughed, a short and cheerful sound. "Flux? He doesn't do anything to girls."


What? Rex swore up and down to Laura that he was certain. And as desperately as that asshole wanted in my sister's pants, I trusted him on this. If he ****ed up... damn it, now what am I supposed to do? Should I apologize to the supervillains for breaking into their home on misinformation?


She wriggled her hips back and forth on my back, for all the world a child cheerfully showing off that she knows more than an adult. "He's gayer than Hawaiian night at Bruno's. No girls allowed, except for me. I'm the special exception."


The ****? Kitten was, like, thirteen or fourteen at the most. I looked straight toward Flux. He was suddenly quite interested in studying his feet, managing to look uncomfortable despite the black and yellow body armor hiding all of his features. At least now I didn't feel like I owed him an apology.


She leaned down against me, the full length of her slender torso resting on my back. She whispered softly in my ear. "Besides, there's no way he could have done any of that stuff." Her young voice had no business being that soft and sultry. "Because I did."


Time slowed for me as I reached for that power again, knowing full well I would accept any and all consequences. I needed a way to break free from the sword pinning me to the ground, I needed a way to catch a monster that was faster than human, and I needed a way to hurt her, to kill her. This time, when I changed, there was no surprise. I knew what was coming and was prepared for it to suck. If it turned me into a freak of nature, I could live with that. Not like my time in front of the mirror was spent in rapturous joy to begin with. There was nothing I could lose that meant more to me than killing this monster in a little girl's body.


An eyeblink was all it took, and for a moment I was beside myself quite literally. I struck backward with my elbow, catching Kitten hard in the face. I felt her teeth meet my bone, and my arm went numb. Now I was up on my feet next to her and my two copies. I kicked her square in the rib and was treated to the beautiful sound of her bones cracking from my steel toed boots.


She rolled away as my copy-bodies quickly disintegrated into particles of yellow, blue and green. Rushing to envelop and be absorbed by my body a lot like my old power worked. I, meanwhile, fell upon her with the full weight of my body. One knee hard into her stomach, and the other pinning one of her arms.


I wrapped my hands around her neck, digging my fingers into her throat. Some strange new sense came alive, telling me information about her. It wasn't exact, but it was there. I had a sense of her weight, as if I was carrying her. I had a sense of her physical health, kinda. I knew I knocked out her top front tooth and broke her nose, and I could tell one of her lower ribs was bent inward.


Her heart was beating wildly as she struggled for breath. I felt her leg move almost like it was my own, and brought mine up to block it, locking her back down on the ground. Her deep blue eyes gazed up at me, and she looked so happy. I was choking the life out of her, and she seemed to be enjoying it. Then the smile turned to anger and a deep jungle green light flushed out of her eyes, across both our bodies. My arms went numb almost immediately, and I found myself next to my half-frozen copy. My own power light blended with Kitten's, reflected off the thick layers of ice that her power created.


I looked back at my saber, and somehow I remembered it, how I'd sensed it the way I had sensed Kitten when strangling her. The streamline, uniform material confirmed its status as coming from a cast mold. It appeared in my hands, and the original copy was already dissolving into light and chasing toward the version in my hand. I didn't bother to look, turning back on the monster that took Erica from me. Had taken so many other women from their families and loved ones. I didn't care if she was just a little girl, she didn't get to live after all the horrible things she'd done. I brought the sword, still covered in the colored fog of my power, down on where she was trapped in her own frozen cage.


Blue and red sprayed from where my sword struck, and Kitten rolled away and was up on her feet, blood squirting from her arm. I wasn't fast enough to kill her, but her hand remained on the ground next to my blade. I rose to my feet as she backed off.


"You surged!" She sounded so very, annoyingly happy about that. "I made you surge! You should be just perfect for countering my powers. This will be so much fun."


As much as she was pretending to be happy and confident, I was more pleased to notice that she was backing away from me. For that matter, Flux had taken a few steps back. Even if Rex's intel was slightly off, I was still holding my own against two supervillains dangerous enough that the ****all useless police were afraid to go after them. Maybe Flux wasn't a rapist and serial killer, but he was still a bastard and I was still going to make him pay. After dealing with Kitten.


"You seem awful cheerful about this." I walked forward casually, happy enough to draw this out a bit longer. After all, I wasn't the one bleeding out right now. Every time her heart beat, it spilled a little bit more of her strength on the ground. I could afford to save my trump card for a little while longer.


"Of course!" Her smile was so goddamn happy, even covered in dirt and blood. "I gave you your powers, right? You got them to kill me, even if you didn't know it was me. And now you got more just to fight me! That means it's your destiny to be the one who finally takes me down! Isn't it just the most romantic thing?" At the last part, she held her hands- well, hand and stub- up to her chest, coating her front with blood.


I wondered just how long was it going to take her to run out of the stuff. To say nothing about everything else that was horribly wrong about what she just said. "Are you insane?" No, seriously, what the **** is wrong with her?


She simply shrugged. "Probably."


Flux cleared his throat, theatrically. "Kitten, I think it's been made clear that you can't actually beat him. As fun as watching you kids play has been, we really have to get going before the authorities show up."


I gripped my sword as she turned toward him. "Flux! I'm having fun!"


Now! I reached out to her, the same way that I reached out to my sword before. She must have sensed what I was about to do, because her head started turning toward me, and then she was in front of me, right on the perfect path for my swing. She leapt backward, and I felt the tug as the edge of the sword sliced across her stomach. The shimmer of light followed, as her copy dissolved and returned to her body. Much to my surprise, her dismembered arm and a lot of lost blood started returning to her as well, but the bruising on her face remained.


I then realized she was nude as she stood there, clutching her stomach and locking her eyes on mine. Blood dripped down her stomach and coated her from the waist down. "Well, if that's what you wanted, you could have just asked."


I rushed at her. So what if my power somehow didn't extend to other peoples' clothing? That just made fighting them easier to disarm. So what if I accidentally restored her arm when I teleported her? That slice across her stomach was deep enough to slow her down. All I cared about was how I couldn't afford to let her get the upper hand again. I wouldn't allow her to escape. Her body glowed red as she moved, evading my next attack. Either she was slower or I was faster, or some combination of both, because I caught her shoulder.


The blood spray caught my face, and I found myself once again standing to a quickly dissolving copy of myself. Wait, her blood's dangerous, too? Kitten's foot planted itself hard against my knee, and a another copy of me started breaking down. I appeared with it between us, and she grinned through the shimmer of the 'other me' dissolving into light. "You're still not strong enough."


"I'm not the one holding my stomach to keep from bleeding to death." I reached out with my power, summoning her to me again, and she manifested with the sword inches from going through her chest. She was far more ready this time than last, and caught my sword with her bare hands. Before I knew what was happening, I was standing beside a copy of myself with my sword sticking out of his head. The sword fell a heartbeat later as the body disintegrated.


She wiped her hand over the wound I'd made, and there was nothing more than a jagged pink line. "I'm fine. My regeneration may not be as good as yours, but I can heal anything short of death in a few minutes."


I thought I was supposed to have the power to kill her! I shouted internally at whatever force gave me my powers. There was no response, no offer of another power I could still call to win this battle. Apparently, I used up whatever credit I had already. Meanwhile, Kitten just stood there observing me.
I smirked a little. "Well, just means I'll have to try harder next time." My saber manifested itself, and I rushed forward. Trying to figure out a way around her damn superhuman agility and those combat instincts. Wait, the last time I surprised her it was when I just died. That's the ticket.


She sidestepped casually, and I brought the sword low, deliberately stabbing myself in the shin. And then, without giving myself time to think I sliced upward from my new position. A long, sweeping arc. The blade collided with something hard, and she rolled back across the ground with blood spraying everywhere. I moved to press the advantage while I had it. So far, the same trick never worked on her twice.


Then I was moving sideways. I wasn't hit, my body simply decided that it should be traveling sideways without warning or reason. I found myself standing next to the not exactly abandoned car shop, my telltale lights extracting themselves from the me shaped dent in the wall. A yellow and light orange glow came from where Flux was standing. Oh, right, there are two of them and I have no damn clue what the other's power is. Turning me into a human projectile was at least part of it.


"Flux! This is my fight!" Kitten's screeching reminded me of nothing more than a five year old in the Walmart whose mother wouldn't let her have a toy. "I'm the one who gets to beat him!"


"I said we don't have time!" And now Flux was acting like an angry father. As if this whole situation wasn't ****ed up enough already. "If you're not done in five minutes, we're leaving you behind. Now stop goofing around!"


She looked at me, and I swear her smile was apologetic. "Promise me you'll find me to play again?"


I gripped the my sword. I still had a shot at this, even with the two of them. All I needed was one lucky shot, and my power guaranteed I'd get my chance eventually. I just had to stay alert and ready.


Kitten charged me, swirls of indigo and occasional dark greens partially concealing her from view. I readied myself, the plan was to take the hit and then retaliate after I reformed. She didn't seem to be able to anticipate it when I did that.


She halted, and the storm of light kept going forward. I froze, and reformed, and froze again. Eventually the lights dimmed, and I was left standing in a frozen, jagged ice bowl. Kitten waved daintily, from the edge of the arena she created for us, then jumped inside. I slipped and fell on my ass, reforming still on my ass. A dagger of ice struck me in the chest, and I reappeared for the dozenth or so time this fight. I shoved the sword into the ground and started using it to climb to my feet, when she kicked the blade, dislodging it and sending me back to the ground. Another dagger, and another.


My eyes blurred a little. No, that was fog as this place slowly warmed up, mixed with the constant glow of both our powers. I mentally called for my sword, and was surprised when it didn't respond. I couldn't find my memory of it with my power. I edged closer to where the sword was laying. And then found myself slightly to the left. Several slivers of ice stuck out of the other copy.


"Wow, it doesn't take a lot to set you off, does it?" Kitten was all smiles again, and I managed a lucky dodge of another dagger of ice. "None of those penetrated deep enough to send you to the hospital. Your power is really, really afraid of letting you get hurt. You must have been a real coward to get a power like that."


**** it. I charged forward, and she rolled, grabbing the handle of my sword before coming back up. She hopped back as I slipped and fell on the slick frozen ground. "Nope, you've lost pointy stick privileges. Tell you what, I'll keep it around until the next time we fight. We don't have much time before someone jumps in and ruins all the fun."


The ice bowl around us shattered magnificently into every color of the rainbow, like watching a firecracker going off from the inside. Several spears of white light had pierced through, and a voice carried across the cacophony of crunching ice. "Do you have any ****ing clue what time I have to wake up in the morning?"


======================


A/N- To be fair to Rex, not a lot of people associate "serial killer" and "little girl" together. I think he deserves to be cut a break.

A new challenger enters the arena!

And, this may be a spoiler, but Kitten is really ****ed up in the head.


... So, how long do I have to wait before my story gets a Wiki this time? Because if it takes nine months like it did last time, I'm gonna be disappointed.

Transcript of a discussion I started via pm to avoid my critique coloring other peoples opinion of the series.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanaNari
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quastor
The classic:
Two weeks earlier
I honestly hate those.


Quote:
Speaking as someone who didn't really know about the concept of Price I wasn't sure if it was just 'New powers as the plot demands'.

At the start of the fight Kitten has some kind of combat sense, enhanced stregth and agility and "dark energy swirled along her arm and around her hand, condensing into blades" all par for the course for some kind of animalistic melee-fighter, but none of that is all that helpfull to break the stalemate with someone who can reassemble himself.

Then suddenly ...ice-powers, the very thing that brought down the constantly regenerating T-1000.
The ice powers were mentioned in the first chapter?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanaNari View Post
She went to say something more, but I didn't give her the chance. I lunged forward, and she stepped to the side, easily avoiding my attack. Her own deep blue power shimmer formed, right before her claw sliced into my upper arm. Ice crystals spread across my trenchcoat, and my limb went numb. Well, that's a new trick.
Kitten hadn't displayed them earlier, but she had them all along. After all, this was before "pin him in the ground with his own sword" strats, so it's not like she *needed* the power at that point. Plus it really didn't help.

Quote:
The protag has no real way of winning.... suddenly teleportation.

As this is the first fight scene it kinda colors my expectations for the rest of the story.
Okay, that actually was "suddenly new powers!"... Kitten called it a "Surge", and those are an in-setting thing.

Quote:
P.S. I am a bit puzzled why the protagonist treats his anti-allergens like illegal drugs. Making excuses to get his fix alone in some dingy bathroom, and all.
Because he's afraid of being seen as weak or vulnerable. Notice how he hides behind smartass remarks instead of letting himself be vulnerable?

... He kinda has issues... not quite the same issues Kitten has, but issues.

Quote:
P.P.S. I like the idea of getting paying for power with mental instability. It neatly explains why there are more villains than heroes.
It's more the reverse- they're messed up in the head, therefor they get powers. Happy, emotionally healthy human beings never gain powers in the first place.

Quote:
P.P.P.S. I did enjoy the read. But pointing out the things that puzzled me seemed to be more constructive than ignoring them to avoid upsetting you.
Oh, no, by all means I *adore* this kind of interplay. I'd rather it be done in the posting thread, however, where I can answer the comments publicly for others who read the story to view.


Also- next chapter should be done sometime today. It'll address some (not all, not even close to it, but some) of the stuff you brought up.

I try to disperse action, plot and worldbuilding chapters so that there's never too much of any of them packed into too small an area.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanaNari

Kitten hadn't displayed them earlier, but she had them all along. After all, this was before "pin him in the ground with his own sword" strats, so it's not like she *needed* the power at that point. Plus it really didn't help.

...

Okay, that actually was "suddenly new powers!"... Kitten called it a "Surge", and those are an in-setting thing.
With the first enemy suddenly revealing some unexpected power she always had but the reader had no way to anticipate and the protagonist demonstrating that both combatants can suddenly gain new powers if things get dire I am expecting a lot of "Behold my true Power"-moments where the underdog suddenly reveals a new technique to turn the fight around.
It's kinda why I seldom relished the idea of Taylor fighting another Tinker. I like it when the reveal that turns the fight around is a clever application of an existing power/item/prop instead of "Yeah that's just another power/device/spell she didn't use yet.".
Granted, the main difference between the duels Kitten vs. Zach and Taylor vs. Lung was that I knw beforehand that Lung had a monster-form and pyro-kinesis. Still that's why the latter felt more like a battle of wits to me.
And it was a good example of what to expect for the rest of Worm: The reader usually knew the major powers of everyone involved in the scene beforehand (unless there was a tinker involved).
To me the fight Kitten vs. Zach doesn't feel like lazy writing, I get that you wanted to introduce the concept of surges and Kittens cyrokinesis doesn't feel like an author making stuff up because he wrote himself into a corner. But as a taste of what's to come it doesn't quite fit my tastes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanaNari
... He kinda has issues... not quite the same issues Kitten has, but issues.
That explains that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanaNari
.... It's more the reverse- they're messed up in the head, therefor they get powers. Happy, emotionally healthy human beings never gain powers in the first place.
And most people with considerable issues are more likely to cause trouble than to go on being valued members of society.

Ah, so you ARE a Worm fan. I was wondering.

Quote:
With the first enemy suddenly revealing some unexpected power she always had but the reader had no way to anticipate and the protagonist demonstrating that both combatants can suddenly gain new powers if things get dire I am expecting a lot of "Behold my true Power"-moments where the underdog suddenly reveals a new technique to turn the fight around.
Fair enough. I'd argue that it's hardly the same thing in this case, considering Kitten wasn't an "underdog" here. She was clearly not only winning, but deliberately drawing out the fight for fun.

The next chapter at least lets you know that Kitten's revealed powers are, for the most part, a known factor... sorta/kinda.

Quote:
Still that's why the latter felt more like a battle of wits to me.
It may also have something to do with Taylor actually having *wits* to use. Zach has a more "have hammer, will hit nails" type of power. He didn't think he needed to be clever, and so he wasn't clever. And it cost him. Zach's journey will be one of growth and discovery, absolutely... but he has a different path to grow, and different discoveries to make compared to the "my power secretly includes superhuman competence, but also makes me a ruthless bitch" story that was Taylor.

Quote:
And it was a good example of what to expect for the rest of Worm: The reader usually knew the major powers of everyone involved in the scene beforehand (unless there was a tinker involved).
Personally, I always hated that. But Taylor was always an "I'm the goddamn Batman" type character. And after the first arc she always knew what to do and how to do it...

Zach is almost the opposite. He *doesn't* know what to do, he doesn't have the ability to magically pull answers out of nowhere where there didn't appear to be any. He's going to be the one who keeps getting surprised, not the one who gets to surprise others. He's a normal person with extraordinary abilities trying to do the best he can with what talents he has. Which mostly is a combination of sheer stubborn determination, and an almost psychotic need to not let others realize he's deeper than he pretends to be.

Zach is more like a comic relief character that just so happens to be the main character. I know, it's a... risky decision, using such an archetype as the main character of a story, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Quote:
But as a taste of what's to come it doesn't quite fit my tastes.
And that's more than fair. Like I said- different archetype. Different kind of story. Worm was a story focused on showing off all the cool creative powers that he dreamed up... Price as an overall story, not merely Zach's book, will be dedicated to examining the personalities behind the powers.

Because let's face it... Wildbow just does not know how to write "people". While writing people is what I'm best at.

I have run out of stuff to say that isn't a variation on what I already posted, so I'll wait for the next chapter.

Well except for one thing: I don't want to imply Worm was better. More to my tastes? Probably because subtle characterization flies over my head anyway but not neeccessarily better.
The comparison just seemed safer than likening your writing to the crap that exemplifies why I don't like certain tropes.

Oh, and once again I really did enjoy the read.




 

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