Non Sequitur

A place for light-hearted forum games and other threads that don't promote discussion.

D&D story tales

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
Because he sunk every last point into Jump, downed a potion and rolled a natural 20.
How else could you do that?

"The cat & the fiddle" obviously implies a Bard with the Obtain Familiar feat. He was singing, so the cow gets Inspire Competence bonuses to his jump check.

Little Boy Blue, come blow your

Horn of Blasting: This horn appears to be a normal trumpet. It can be sounded as a normal horn, but if the command word is spoken and the instrument is then played, it deals 5d6 points of sonic damage to creatures within a 40-foot cone and causes them to be deafened for 2d6 rounds (a DC 16 Fortitude save reduces the damage by half and negates the deafening). Crystalline objects and creatures take 7d6 points of sonic damage, with no save unless they're held, worn, or carried by creatures (Will DC 16 negates).

If a horn of blasting is used magically more than once in a given day, there is a 20% cumulative chance with each extra use that it explodes and deals 10d6 points of damage to the person sounding it.

Moderate evocation; CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, shout; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

There's orcs in the meadow, and gnolls in the corn
Where is the boy charged with guarding the keep?
He's under a


Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Bard 1, Sorcerer/Wizard 1
V, S, M
Casting Time:
1 round
Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
One or more living creatures within a 10-ft. -radius burst
1 min./level
Saving Throw:
Will negates
Spell Resistance:

A sleep spell causes a magical slumber to come upon 4 Hit Dice of creatures. Creatures with the fewest HD are affected first.

Among creatures with equal HD, those who are closest to the spell's point of origin are affected first. Hit Dice that are not sufficient to affect a creature are wasted.

Sleeping creatures are helpless. Slapping or wounding awakens an affected creature, but normal noise does not. Awakening a creature is a standard action (an application of the aid another action).

sleep does not target unconscious creatures, constructs, or undead creatures.

Material Component: A pinch of fine sand, rose petals, or a live cricket.

wizard's spell, fast asleep.
Will you wake him? Oh no, not I...

Power Word Kill

Enchantment (Compulsion) [Death, Mind-Affecting]
Sorcerer/Wizard 9, War 9
Casting Time:
1 standard action
Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
One living creature with 100 hp or less
Saving Throw:
Spell Resistance:

You utter a single word of power that instantly kills one creature of your choice, whether the creature can hear the word or not. Any creature that currently has 101 or more hit points is unaffected by power word kill.

word from the wizard, and I would die.

That one is awesome

Young snow white was never young nor white. Beneath that illusion spell that gives away that argent image, she's an evil female necromancer who came to live in these green woods and made her life by raising 7 children bodies from the local cemetery and casting another illusion spell to make them look like dwarves. The Witch was a rival that couldn't stand the neighbour and decided she would have to die. unfortunately, in the local palace, there was an evil Blackguard that fell in love with the Evil necromancer and fought against the Witch, getting her from behind and smacking with that buttload of dice coming from his greataxe and his sneak attack ability.

And he was a fan of OoTS, so, while moments before he decepated her, he screamed: "SNEAK ATTACK BITCH!!"

The grand old adventurer, he had 10,000 xp,
He marched into a tomb,
And never was seen again.
When he was alive, he was alive,
And when dead he was dead,
And when he was only halfway dead,
He was reanimated!

Jack was nimble jack was quick jack failed the saving throw over the candle stick

humpty dumpty at on a wall failed his throw and had a fall all the kings horses and all the kings men didn't have the WILL to put him back together again

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a pail of water jack fell down and lost his crown and jill left him soon after

The gazebo at the top awakened and eated them.

pocket full of posies
a tissue, a tissue
we all fail our save vs disease and die, because it turns out posies do NOT supply a bonus on fort save for bubonic plague.

Except for the paladin, because he is immune to disease.

Nope this one kills him too, cuz he's stupid.


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