The AAGP Chronicles

"So what, we're here to perform parlor tricks?" Raz says, irritated at the thought. Shrugging his shoulders, he priest steps forward removing a full skin of his 80 proof holy water from his shoulder. He then upends the skin, letting the liquid quickly course down his throat before carefully storing the skin once again on his shoulder.

He then presses his arms tightly against his side, inhaling deeply. As he does so, he entire frame grows as he becomes larger topping 11 feet in height. He opens his mouth, preparing to release his breath.

"BRAAAAPPPP"

The sounds of the powerful belch reverberate from the giant sized-human shook the puny goblin's throne as well as the very foundation of the building they were in. The priest releases his enchantment, once again returning to his normal size.

Flicking an irritated look at the hobgoblin, he says"Tell the little bastard he's lucky I didn't chose to do that with my other end, or he'd be plastered all over the back wall."

Lorem translated what the creatures told more or less, and then they got asked to perform a feat... And he felt the need to palm his face hardly when he witnessed Raz's one. But nonetheless, he shrugget it off and proceeded... "Alright. For my feat..." Hmmm... Raz might prove useful.

Lorem removed his armour too and put it on the floor. He then took a few steps back... And took a running charge before jumping towards Raz with a somersault, hoping to land on top of the now gigantic cleric's shoulders... In case of failure, he was ready to use his arms to lift himself in some kind of 'artistic' pose. In case I hit him in the back or behind the head and he falls over, we can always say that we are comedians part-time...

Dice Roll: 1d20+6
d20 Results: 6 (Total = 12)

Jump Check,

Dice Roll: 1d20+3
d20 Results: 3 (Total = 6)

Strenght Check,

Dice Roll: 1d20+3
d20 Results: 12 (Total = 15)

Dexterity Check I had no idea what I had to roll... O_O

leova edit: Gonna sneak a Tumble check in here

Dice Roll: 1d20+3
d20 Results: 9 (Total = 12)

Tumble Check

Joachim watches the other two and twists his face as he sees what appears to be a suicidal attempt to over jump the fat priest. Or one even more daring trick ... What did that man have in mind. He for his share was clueless what to do. What feat could be possibly expected from him. Well he might as well see how Lorems attempt turned out and heal his wounds with his touch for a demonstration of his power, if this turned out the wrong way. On the other hand if he succeeded on whatever he was trying to accomplish he would have to think of something else.

Intrigued he pursues Lorems jump/roll/what he tried to do. And even before the outcome is clear he slowly starts walking in to the others direction.

ooc

Raz goes first, growing to a massive height and issuing forth a huge belch. Once the skin on the goblin's face stops flapping, he shakes his head in amazement, a slight smile coming to his face as he struggles to maintain his haughty demeanor.
The Hobgoblin nods at Raz's words, but says nothing to the goblin, instead turning his attention to Joachim and Lorem.

Lorem, unsure of what to do, decides to attempt an acrobatic stunt. Dropping his cumbersome armor to the floor with a *thud*, he moves back, gets a running start, and leaps at Raz.
His jump manages to take him up over the Cleric's frame, and as he handplants off the floor to bring his legs up, his momentum carries him directly into Raz's face, legs first.

Luckily, not only does the agile fighter manage to avoid getting impaled by the spikes of Raz's armor, but he's able to stop himself from flying clear past his "partner."
Unluckily, Lorem also completely fails his attempt to turn right-side up, such that he ends up with his legs curled around Raz's neck, hanging upside down like a monkey, his hair brushing softly against the hard floor.

Joachim, through it all, watches in horror, as both goblin and guard break out in thunderous laughter.

"So now that you realize that my friend here has the makings of a first class court fool, ask if the little green guy that runs things if he's had enough of this bullshit.

I'm here to talk about more important things, a higher calling. I'm here on a holy mission, to teach the meaning of what it means to live for today, for living in the now. Drink, eat and screw today, and if yer lucky, tomorrow you can do the same thing.

Now --- pull up a big-ass table so me and yer king can eat a joint and lift a mug together while I try to save his soul."

"Mhhh... I think I gotta work on my leg muscles." Necklace Lorem slowly put his hands on the ground and somersaulted back in a standing position, while hearing the goblins laugh. He blushed and then bowed in front of them. What little was left of his pride he saved by feigning of having done all of that on purpose.

"That ought to hurt a bit" Joachim speaks to himself. Then moves to help Lorem stand up but holds in as latter does another acrobatic move to get to his feet. He shrugs and lifts his hands palms up to show that he has got no special trick himself. Besides he could easily do something to amuse this goblin king. But would not be the jester of some wild animals monarchical might dreams. He stands by awaiting what is to happen next. His smile had faded with Lorem's acrobatic attempt. The idea of this not being a zooish place under the control of some eccentric wizard, as he had imagined it all, did not please him to much and even went as far as causing him some fright. He suddenly felt naked without his weapons and terribly misplaced in these halls. Perhaps the reason for all this was simply that he had nothing to show for himself... But that was a thought that never crossed the simple minded Paladin's head.

The laughter stops as Joachim approaches Lorem, shrugging to indicate he had nothing to offer the goblins. The Hobgoblin guard does his best to translate Raz's offer to share his religion, drawing a curious glance from the seated goblin. They banter back and forth in that foul language that is Goblin, then the guard turns back to you.

"My master is pleased, and wishes to know more, especially of your strange religion," he states, looking at Raz.
"Please, this way," he adds, pointing to a door in the back of the room.

As he directs you thusly, the seated goblin rises from his throne, shakes his robe slightly, and begins walking toward the open door, shuffling slowly that you may follow.

"Ah, and that is where you are mistaken - at it is the beauty of my religion. There is little to hear about. Eat, drink and screw whenever you can. If you're lucky, you'll be able to do it tomorrow. That's pretty much it.

Np expectations, no requirements, just enjoy things in excess at every opportunity. Do this, and you shall know the true meaning of happiness." the priest smiles nat hte prospect of encountering a susceptible group of individuals which he can proselytize to.

"Now, if your men take this like they did last time, I'll strangle them with their own freakin intestines. he says casually as they enter the great room. "However, since I'm sure that won't happen again, what do you say -- shall we get shitty?!" he declares, motioning with his both his arms as the table fills up with a feat fit for a carnivore, complete with roasted lamb, roast beast, honey smoked turkey and wild boar shoulder. Two huge barrels of mead stand of each end of the table.

With a smile, the priest motions for the goblin to have the first taste of the excess, knowing that alcohol is the reason for and the answer to all of life's little questions.

Lorem sighs in relief. Seems like they bought it, or they just didn't care since they managed to get a few laughs out of the predicament he had put himself into. He had also learned that it was better to let Raz do the talking till he didn't say something stupid. He seemed more adept at that. To the calling he just nodded and followed his comrades.