Non Sequitur

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1001 things I'm not allowed to do.

369- When I make inside jokes. I have to make them to the folks that actually get them instead of random people.

I know, huh?

370) I'm not allowed share our accolades on Twitter until the GM has a chance to do it, first.
371) I'm not allowed to play a dwarf with an Australian accent.

372) As a DM, I'm not allowed to end my long-running campaign by telling my players, out of the blue, "...and then you wake up. It was all just a dream!"
373) As a DM, I'm not allowed to drop key plot clues into my narration of a character's poison-induced hallucination, lest that plot element forever after be ignored as just a reference to 'that one time character X got high.'
374) As a DM, I'm not allowed to retcon entire races into the setting the PCs have campaigned in for years just because my girlfriend wants to play a character of that race.
374, Corollary?) Come to think of it, letting the DMGF play whatever she wants is usually a bad idea...but isn't not letting her play also a bad idea?

375) As a player, I am not allowed to take Solo's character handbooks seriously.
376) I am also not allowed to talk the DMGF into taking Solo's character handbooks seriously.

377) When it's my turn to provide snacks for the group, I'm not allowed to bring only a veggie plate "just to go for something different."

378) When it's my turn to provide group snacks, I am not allowed to bring an assortment of hard candies, because I am not their grandmothers.
379) When the DM retcons in a whole race (and, no, PolkaBear isn't my DM), I am not allowed to pick at it every session.

380) I am not allowed to play a Tibbit Warlock
381) With said warlock, I am not allowed to take the Obtain Familiar Feat
382) With a tibbit and a familiar, I am not allowed to have a human familiar, even if I take the proper feats
383) I am never allowed to play a tibbit with leadership
384) I am not allowed to name the tibbit, who acts as a familiar while trying to dominate the world, Mr. Bigglesworth
385) If I ignore all the above, my cohort/familia is not allowed to be named Dr. Evil

Oh - that last one reminded me of some more!

386) I am not allowed to make my character's name a random collection of letters just to frustrate the super-immersive DM.
387) I am not allowed to yell at the super-immersive DM when he repeatedly mispronounces the character name that is just a random collection of letters designed to frustrate him.
388) I am not allowed to use honorifics such as "King", "Prince", "Lord" in my characters name without asking the DM first.
389) I am not allowed to name my character after the DM's girlfriend.
390) I am not allowed to name my character a derivation of his class (examples: Wizzy the Wizard, Stealy the Thief)

392) My druid is not from Australia, does not wear a leather hat ringed with crocodile teeth, and is not allowed to question the knifeliness of other people's knives.
393) Nor is he allowed to begin every sentence with "Crikey, mates!" and act like he's narrating a nature documentary.
394) My not-from-Australia druid's animal companion cannot be a combat wombat.
395) Nor am I allowed to continue narrating the nature documentary by switching to a Morgan Freeman voice. This incurs the wrath of a deity.

396) Not allowed to destroy the D&D civilization through economic means by abusing the obvious hyperinflation of gold in their world and simply pouring coins into the streets until their currency is worthless.

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