The Ballad of Polemos - Myth-Weavers

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The Ballad of Polemos

   
The Ballad of Polemos

I wrote a poem as a piece of backstory for one of my campaigns. I already posted it to my players, but I am interested in getting some feedback on the work and polishing it up.

From over mountain top came he,
A giant of storms, a fallen king,
Broken crown reached o'er every tree,
An approach foretold by beating wing,
He came to end a tyrants reign,
Through stirfe and war, the fire's bane,
A sword held high, blessed in splendor,
A swift end, he was to render,
His will steeled, his fear bygone,
Why to fight? As Akkan's defender,
At the end of the long night comes Dawn.

Terrible red dragon, lord over we,
Please free us from this ancient thing,
Who will save us, if not them, then thee?
Raid the nest, the serpents offspring,
A crash and flame, a creature profane,
Brave storm giant to be our gain,
Not alone, an end to tender,
Soldiers of Akkan, their main offender,
The cursed dragon would soon move on,
Man's struggle as no pretender,
At the end of the long night comes Dawn.

That splendid blade, blessed by the sea,
The dragons tooth, to be its plaything,
In the end the both souls would flee,
The final strike, a bloody upswing,
The remaing soldiers stood in shame,
In Polemos honor, they would beclaim,
To no dragon, no longer will we surrender
Only war to find, only pain we engender,
A new pact made, a covenant drawn,
No serpent kings, we stand as contenders,
At the end of the long night comes Dawn.

Youth blood and body, always slender,
Your time, your arm, be a generous lender,
The dragons return, you can count on,
Your duty now, return him to sender,
At the end of the long night comes Dawn.

There are some rhymes that read badly or as very forced. You can use a looser rhyme scheme to avoid this. For example

Quote:

To no dragon, no longer will we surrender
Only war to find, only pain we engender,

The dragons return, you can count on,
Your duty now, return him to sender,
Stuff like this doesn't work for me because it feels so contrived. Looser rhyme, closer attention to other parts of ballads and poetry like beat, stress, meter other than rhyme will probably do you good.

I kinda had the same thought. The rhyming scheme really restricted me in some ways. Thank you for the feedback.

This might be useful to you. There are less strict types of rhyme you can use:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyme#General_rhymes

And poetry is more than just rhyme:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre_%28poetry%29
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scansion

Further, rhyme was not necessarily a thing in a lot of poetry until the high middle ages. And even then, not always. Food for thought.








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