Best Character Quotes- now with 50% less context! - Page 37 - Myth-Weavers


Non Sequitur

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Best Character Quotes- now with 50% less context!

   
DM: "So let me get this straight....the vampire king you're spying on, who's basically Dracula and could snap you like a twig, is carrying an item that is basically the hellraiser cube. And you want tooooo....sneak up and pick his pocket for it."

PC: "Yup!"

DM: "Aaaand you're level 5."

PC: "Of course not! I'm level 6."

DM: "Uh...k. I'm not gonna stop you."

PC: "And slap him in the face with my dick!"

DM: "Oh c'mon! You can't stealth that!"

PC: "Watch me!"

PC triple explodes a 20, dm rolls a nat 1

PC: "That's right folks, I just dickslapped Dracula for the hellraiser cube! All hail Tok Greenbottle!"

DM: "Nope...now you're Tok Dickbottle...lucky fu**"

I'm a duelist, I can't use a sword anywhere else!

"Don't be so quick to judge. The slimy oyster holds the precious pearl, after all."

"They don't hold three eyed, three legged, three armed monstehs, Tori!"

I guess it's bad form to nominate my own lines, but I justr wrote this, and then immediately thought of this thread.


"Strategy says: don't let the parentabusers dictate the rules of engagement."

DM is roll handfuls of d6's

DM: Everyone. Save vs Magic
Player: What about our 2nd level NPC Guide
DM: What about him?
Player: He gets a save
DM: [Sighs], he fails
Player: Rules state that he gets a roll
DM: Fine you roll it.
Dm is still rolling dice and counting
Player: Which table?
DM: Whatever one is the best.
Player Really?!
DM just finishes rolling and counting d6's.

"Seriously I once had a guy make a wish for a sandwich, but he added so many clauses to it, he ended up with three pieces of bread stacked on top of each other, which apparently by infernal law, counts as a sandwich."

(He) placed one hand on the drone to pin it down and brought his face close to it. He whispered coldly into its audio pickups. "I told you, CyberDick, I'm coming for you."

( ~ I swear, I swear, context is there! ~)

(all names changed for reasons )

Idle conversation in a tavern:

Jane: The knights sure do love their horses.

Alice: Yes, they have impeccable aim.

Me: ????

----

Exploring a mausoleum:

Me: I wonder what's past this door.

Bob: I'll go check, *dimension door to the other side*

Bob's ghost: It was a lich king

----

Exploring a mountain:

Me: It's apparently a 'jotun pyromancer'

Bob: You think I can kill it?

Me: I don't know. I'm heading back to town.

Bob: Ok, I'm gonna see if I can kill it.

Me: Have fun.

(Later)

Bob's ghost: I couldn't kill it.

*after revealing the name of a horrible monster that could probably swat down the Tarrasque*

"...For a moment, I thought you were going to call it Steve or something like that."







 

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