Notice of suspension of all activities
I didn't feel like making the same post a million times, so I figured I'd just make a topic here: if someone could be so kind as to please notify everyone in my various games, that would be a great help for me.
I won't beat the dog around the bush: I'm dying. The next month is going to be the final rush for medics to finally figure out the root of the malady that is devouring me, and identify a cure. I'm going to spend most of the month going in and out of the hospital, and frankly, what few time I'm going to have I'd rather spend doing other things: this website is just not a priority, I'm sorry to say. If a cure can be found and my conditions improve, coming back here will be the first thing I'll do, so yeah, if I feel better you guys will be the first to know. If not... Well, I hate to sound overly dramatic, but you should really assume the worst.
This is not a farewell. I don't want it to be a farewell. If this tiny flicker of a life bears any significance in God's universal scheme, then I pray to Him to let this be, well, not a farewell.
What really terrifies me, and sorry for going into heavy talk here but I really need to vent this, what really terrifies me is that I've had such a meaningless life. My dreams were silly, nebulous, and easily shattered, my relationships were superficial and shallow, my daily routine was boring and devoid of wonder. I never managed to establish a healthy relationship with my parents, I never had true friends to share my innermost feelings with, I never had a SO who truly loved me, beyond the somewhat childish "yeah we're an item now, we should probably kiss or bang or something".
If such a barren life, that never knew true love, were to end tomorrow, then what was the point in being born at all? I felt terrifyingly alone my whole life, and now that for the first time I truly find myself forced to contemplate the reality of death, now that my left arm is going limp and my other limbs are slowly, painfully following suit, now that the mere act of drawing breath is becoming a challenge, I can't help but wonder: if I lived alone and died alone, then it must mean that my existence didn't leave any sort of impact or impression on anybody... And if that is the case, did I even exist at all? Or was it all a cruel illusion, destined to end as quickly as it started?
That's why I'm begging you, from the bottom of my heart, and believe me when I say this is not some sappy stock message, I really do believe every single word: you, at least, must never forget me. The people who laughed at my witty jokes, the people who enjoyed my memes, the people I taught MtG, the people whose D&D games I mastered: knowing that even one single person in the world ever smiled because of me won't make me any less scared, any less depressed, any less desperate as this horrifying situation keeps worsening.
But it will make it hurt a little less.
And who knows? Perhaps in one month I'll be back here, laughing with all of you at how cringe-worthy this post was, and how disproportionately dramatic it sounded compared to an emergency that, all in all, was easily solved. I pray this will be the case.
I won't beat the dog around the bush: I'm dying. The next month is going to be the final rush for medics to finally figure out the root of the malady that is devouring me, and identify a cure. I'm going to spend most of the month going in and out of the hospital, and frankly, what few time I'm going to have I'd rather spend doing other things: this website is just not a priority, I'm sorry to say. If a cure can be found and my conditions improve, coming back here will be the first thing I'll do, so yeah, if I feel better you guys will be the first to know. If not... Well, I hate to sound overly dramatic, but you should really assume the worst.
This is not a farewell. I don't want it to be a farewell. If this tiny flicker of a life bears any significance in God's universal scheme, then I pray to Him to let this be, well, not a farewell.
What really terrifies me, and sorry for going into heavy talk here but I really need to vent this, what really terrifies me is that I've had such a meaningless life. My dreams were silly, nebulous, and easily shattered, my relationships were superficial and shallow, my daily routine was boring and devoid of wonder. I never managed to establish a healthy relationship with my parents, I never had true friends to share my innermost feelings with, I never had a SO who truly loved me, beyond the somewhat childish "yeah we're an item now, we should probably kiss or bang or something".
If such a barren life, that never knew true love, were to end tomorrow, then what was the point in being born at all? I felt terrifyingly alone my whole life, and now that for the first time I truly find myself forced to contemplate the reality of death, now that my left arm is going limp and my other limbs are slowly, painfully following suit, now that the mere act of drawing breath is becoming a challenge, I can't help but wonder: if I lived alone and died alone, then it must mean that my existence didn't leave any sort of impact or impression on anybody... And if that is the case, did I even exist at all? Or was it all a cruel illusion, destined to end as quickly as it started?
That's why I'm begging you, from the bottom of my heart, and believe me when I say this is not some sappy stock message, I really do believe every single word: you, at least, must never forget me. The people who laughed at my witty jokes, the people who enjoyed my memes, the people I taught MtG, the people whose D&D games I mastered: knowing that even one single person in the world ever smiled because of me won't make me any less scared, any less depressed, any less desperate as this horrifying situation keeps worsening.
But it will make it hurt a little less.
And who knows? Perhaps in one month I'll be back here, laughing with all of you at how cringe-worthy this post was, and how disproportionately dramatic it sounded compared to an emergency that, all in all, was easily solved. I pray this will be the case.