The Trail of the Norixius - Myth-Weavers


The Trail of the Norixius

   
The Trail of the Norixius

I was originally planning on finishing the campaign and then submitting the entire story at once. However, after reading ChaosHarbinger's story, I decided to follow his lead and submit it in pieces. Which might actually be much better, as I still need to convert most of it from notes, and we are only meeting once every other month at this point. :P

PS. To ChaosHarbinger, huge fan of your "Mists of Daven".


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Chapter 1 - The Rescue


Korinn had never walked so much in her life. The kobolds had been marching Korinn and her clan for days now. The little abominations, led by their red dragonborn captains, took every opportunity to mock the captured clan of green dragonborn. It was common knowledge that those who still followed the Lord of Greed had more than bitter feelings towards the dragonborn who “rebelled” and fled to other regions. However, when some of the clans of dragonborn began giving birth to metallic-scaled children, they took it as a personal insult. Korinn, being one of the several copper children in the clan, was treated with particular cruelty. Whipped whenever she showed any form of tiredness, even her thick hide was beginning to show significant welts.

At last they entered the ruins of an ancient town. But even if she weren’t exhausted, she had no idea where they were. She’d never left her clan which stayed within the borders of Kelerak near Dragonspur City.

As they continued through the dilapidated streets, the kobolds began pulling out some of her clan members one or two at a time, shunting them into crumbling buildings as the line passed. A couple kobolds began pulling Korinn from the line. Despite her weakened condition, she was still three times their size, and she began lashing out at them as best she could. A particularly brutal red dragonborn named Karbic put an end to this. Beaten almost unconscious, she was half dragged into the building.

Inside was a hurriedly constructed prison cell with no furniture. Anyone in a condition to notice the time of day could tell just how new the cell was from the condition of the metal. Korinn was tossed into this cell, and she collapsed to the ground, relishing in spite of herself the fact that she didn’t have to move for a while. The only other occupant of the cell might have thought she were dead had it not been for her long, deep, and somewhat loud breaths as she recuperated.

After a while, Korinn painfully rolled onto her back. At this, her cellmate approached her and handed her a small bowl with some water in it. She gulped it down without hesitating. As she smacked her mouth with a renewed moistness, she observed her benefactor.

He was a bit shorter than she was, but that was normal for a human. His green eyes seemed to shine through his slightly shaggy dark brown hair, though that looked like it was longer than usual was. His clothes were fit for travel and only slightly ruffled, which made it clear to Korinn, exhausted as she was, that the man had only been here at most a few days.

Without a word, the man took the empty bowl back to a corner of the room. He sat on the ground next to it, and leaned back against to wall. His silent demeanor was almost unsettling for Korinn, who was a very playful and high spirited individual under normal circumstances. In full compliment to her color, she was a joker and prankster through and through, always enjoying a good laugh at the harmless expense of others. Usually harmless...

Korinn began to shift to the wall as well. A large thick tail can make laying on one's back a bit uncomfortable for long periods of time. Noticing her struggling, the man instantly got up and helped her over to the wall.

“Thank you.” She mustered after several more minutes of unbearable silence.

“Don’t mention it.” He said as he eased her against the dusty stone.

Korinn gave a slight groan as she settled, and soon fell asleep.

Chapter 1 - The Rescue (continued)


Ultwen was always a quiet man, preferring to do things with precise and calculated accuracy, which often doesn’t require a lot of noise. So his rambunctious new cellmate was a little unsettling once she had a long rest. He wasn’t exactly happy with being in a prison, but Korinn was absolutely livid. She initially tried breaking out with brute strength and spitting acid, but kobolds were never far and quickly stopped her attempts.

The next few days were interesting to say the least. Even after Korinn had given up trying to break free, she seemed determined to make the Kobold guards just as miserable as she was. Kobolds are a very sober race, having no tolerance to pranks. This copper Dragonborn seemed unable to control herself from tormenting the critters at every opportunity. It astounded Ultwen to see Korinn do her work. She had almost nothing to work with, yet she came up with numerous ways to constantly keep the Kobolds on their toes.

The most memorable pranks involved the potatoes the Kobolds served the prisoners for each meal. Korinn was beside herself at her first meal of three raw potatoes in a bowl of water, and she chucked them at the Kobolds as though the potatoes themselves had insulted her. After that, her meals had been reduced to two potatoes.

One day, when the Kobolds brought the meals, she began ranting about how disgusting the meal was again, insulting the Kobolds with stinging remarks. At one point, she dropped one of her potatoes, and it rolled through the grate and to the feet of a Kobold. She immediately changed her tune to one of pleading, begging for them to return it, as two potatoes a meal was not nearly enough. The Kobold gleefully took a bite that consumed most of the potato, and chewed slowly to emphasize his possession of her meal. Moments later, the Kobold began to shriek in pain. It writhed on the ground clawing at its mouth, and other Kobold guards rushed in. Korinn just sat in her corner with a sadistic grin on her muzzle. As she caught Ultwen’s confused gaze, she pulled out the potato she had actually been given. She snorted a bit, then spit some of her acid onto the potato to rub away a dirty spot. That's when Ultwen realized Korinn had switch the potatoes. The one the Kobold had bitten was an older one, one which she must have soaked in her acid.

Between Korinn’s pranks and various conversations they had, Ultwen was able to learn more about what was going on. It was actually partially because of Korinn that he was able to learn as much as he did, as there was now a lot more traffic due to them keeping a closer eye on her and disciplining her.

They were in the ruins of Baraz, which was a Dwarvish town south of Wawmar destroyed centuries ago. The Dragonborn that were loyal to the Lord of Greed had converted the ruins into a temporary prison for several “rogue” Dragonborn clans which they planned to capture, Korinn’s Norixius clan having been the first. They employed the help of Kobolds for the operation. Since they worship dragons and typically have a great respect for most dragonborns and other dragon-like species, they were willing to work for a much cheaper price than most others would have. Unfortunately the Norixius clan lost their influence over the Kobolds when they left the Lord of Greed.

Ultwen was captured just as they were finishing the cells, just before leaving to capture Korinn’s clan. They were originally going to move him to another, more secure facility, but soon learned that Ultwen was wanted by the Lord of Envy for his rebellious actions in Orland. So the Dragonborn changed their plans, and were going to sell Ultwen to the Lord of Envy when it was convenient.

This knowledge was not comforting, but at least they did know.

I like it so far and I lik the dragonborn theme. It does sort of read like a campaign log more than a story, though. Remember, show, don't tell. Try to describe through action rather than just basically reciting plot events. But keep it coming. We can make some revisions and publish it.

Thanks Hamnier, glad to hear someone else enjoys the story. As for yours, I can see a lot of good potential here, especially since you're tackling one of the more exotic races out there. Most of the stylistic errors are completely standard, I think. For example, the final bit here is a good example:

"Ultwen was captured just as they were finishing the cells"

That particular tense makes the story read like a campaign log, rather than as a story. I feel as though it would become more immersive if it ran closer to:

"Ultwen had been captured just as they were finishing the cells"

It pulls us into the character's perspective then, unless you have the previous sentence being spoken to someone. Then it becomes an infodump that is suitable for your typical expository character. Such as, um...

'Ultwen? Yes, he was captured just as they were finishing the cells, right before they set out to hunt your clan, Korinn. Unlucky for him, isn't it?'

If that's in any way clear?

Hm... You know, that actually brings to mind something I've been told before by authors I've chatted with. "Never use 'was' in the general body of the story".

I'll try to revise it a bit more. Should I repost the already posted sections within the thread? Or should I edit the current posts and have a post saying I've edited them?

I personally just edit rather than repost. Makes it easier to keep track of things.

Yeah edit and then post that you did. And "was" isn't a dirty word but the idea is not to explain but to show.

Lol. According to some people, "was" is a dirty word because it's too passive. I've heard a couple go so far as to say that if you can't be creative enough to describe what you want, then you probably shouldn't write. This has always seemed a bit harsh to me, and I only remember it when the topic comes up again. :P

There isn't a single correct way to write, but there are certainly best practices.

true that. Just looking at "Ender's Game", "Lord of the Rings", and "The Wheel of Time" series, they all have very distinct writing styles (I'm personally not a fan of Orson Scott Card's repetitive style), yet all are highly esteemed by their respective fan.







 

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