Best Character Quotes- now with 50% less context! - Page 39 - Myth-Weavers

Non Sequitur

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Best Character Quotes- now with 50% less context!

"A point of the finger w-would've worked j-just fine t-too...making me f-feel like an i-imbecile..."
<"You are an imbecile.">

"Here, hold me ale un watch this . . . . "


From various tabletop sessions:

"I cast Dispel Magic on the oatmeal."

(DM) "Well, I suppose you can always choose to stop a human sacrifice after the human sacrifice. There will be less cultists around, you'll just have to pull the pieces together again."

"I'm tired of reflecting upon the socio-economic context that pushed NPC into criminality." (continues slaughtering an entire tavern of minions)

"This artefact is way too dangerous to keep around. We should hide it so it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands. Some place... secretive, and hard to reach, and probably protected by traps, and..."
(DM) "You mean, like the place you took it from?"

"Did you hear something about... nightgaunts?"
"Is it about my sister-in-law?"

(DM) "Are you trying to intimidate him?"
"Not at all, I was bluffing!"

"Once somebody told me, no-one is a prophet in his own country. I'm starting to feel at home all over the world."

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" he yelled, flying through the air like a sleeping cat thrown from a trebuchet.

So a little context on this one. I was running an Old Republic D6 West End Star Wars Game. I had 4 players who all wanted to make jedi's and a fifth player who wanted to basically be Han Solo but not a smuggler.

So I ran a game in which he was a pilot for the Jedi Academy and his older sister was a jedi Knight training the 4 PC Padawans.

The players are fighting against some dark jedi on the planet Dantooine to protect a jedi enclave as the dark jedi are attacking it to try and steal it's lore. The pilot is flying over head with some npc non force users and common folk in his ship as he tries to take out the dark jedi on the ground, as well as new ships landing from the cruiser off the planet.

One of the players, is playing a Male Barabel Jedi Padawan, whose name I can't remember. And he cuts off a dark jedi's leg with his lightsaber and the dark jedi is laying at his feet.

Elsewhere about 10-12 dark jedi and 20-30 battle droids are swarming over the place. And this player says this to me.

Idiot: "Okay so I want to use an action to pick up the dark Jedi and hold him in front of me like a human shield as I back up to the doorway."

GM: "Okay you do that. He's barely conscious and dropped his saber. In a lot of pain and mortally wounded (game health stat). You're also 6'7 and he is 5'4. So not the best shield."

Idiot: "No it works fine, see I have 5d6 strength (equivalent of a 20 strength in D&D 5e.). So I pick him up by the back of his head in my left hand while holding my lightsaber in my right hand. I then wave him in front of my body as a human shield. Backing up to the door way. I'm tired of getting shot."

GM: "Uhh. Okay. Get a dark side point for that. (insert in game combat mechanics)"

Idiot: "Why?"

GM: Blank Stare at the player. Three other players face palm visibly. "Because you're causing him pain and using the life of someone else to protect yours. Basically sacrificing him. Even though he is the enemy. The Jedi code is pretty much the opposite of that."

Idiot: "Oh well what if I put away my lightsaber and heal him."

GM: "In that case you don't get a dark side point. But you sure you want to just put him down as 5 battle droids are aiming blaster rifles at you and shooting towards you. To then take time and heal him with the force?"

Idiot: "Oh no no. I'm gonnna use him as a human shield but also keep him alive by constantly healing him as he's getting shot. That way I'm protected while running inside to where it's safe. So I don't get a dark side point cause I'm healing him right."

GM: Stands up and calls a 5 minute break to go outside and get some air. Returns 5 minutes later, the laughter of the other party members has mostly died down. GM then takes a look through some rule books and consults his personal notes. Roughly 7-12 minutes pass. GM looks towards Idiot. "Okay so you get 3 dark side points for that and I'm just gonna not bother rolling dice to help save time. You..."

Idiot: Interrupts statement and is now talking in a high pitched volume voice. Not a yell, but close. "But Why am I getting dark side points. I'm healing an enemy. I'm pretty much the best jedi here right now."

Old Friend Of Mine playing the only female member of the group, a twilek Jedi. "I don't recall any point in any of the 6 movies or the clone wars show. The part in which a Jedi picks up an enemy and holds them in front of them keeping them alive just long enough to come close to death over and over and over again. You're basically torturing him at this point."

GM: "Yeah what he said basically. You can do it if you want but you're getting dark side points."

Idiot: "Fine I wont do that then I don't want any dark side points. I'll instead just use Telekinesis to hurl the injured dark jedi's body into a passing starfighter's engine. Causing the engine to explode and the ship to hopefully crash into the droids. "

GM: Hangs head on the table and sighs. "1 Dark side point."

Idiot: "I don't think you understand how Star Wars works."

So that is my long story to one of the funniest quotes in any game I've ever been part of. I'm the biggest star wars fan of my group of friends and know the most about it. We've had trivia games, contests, events. When I was younger I bragged like a fool about it a lot. I'm the one who always runs star wars. Owns every edition of the rpg except Force & Destiny. Whatever one uses the weird dice. So that quote brought several of us to tears in laughing.

"When all you can do is destroy, you have to be very selective about what you apply your talent to..."

"Get us a lock on that ship's engines, or I'll take away the eight."


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