Simple Truths - Page 5 - Myth-Weavers


Non Sequitur

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Simple Truths

Movie Edition!

67. E.T. had guns in it and said the word "terrorist".
68. Han Solo shot first.
69. Many of the little people extras on the set of The Wizard of Oz had never seen another little person before arriving.
The amount of little people having babies 9 months later was significantly higher than normal.
70. Of the stars of Stand By Me; one is dead, one is a complete star-burnout, one is a B Actor, and one has become a clever reimagining of his former fame.

71. #68 is incorrect. His name is Han not Hans, and he did not shoot first. In the original theatrical release of Star Wars in 1977, Han Solo shot Greedo before Greedo even had a chance to pull the trigger. The Han shot first phenomena did not start until George Lucas decided to mess with the original movie in order to realize his vision of what the movie should have been using modern technology, resulting in the re-release of the Star Wars trilogy in theaters as the "Star Wars: Special Edition" trilogy. Thus began the slow decline of Star Wars. Thanks George!

(Other than the minor typo, you only proved that Han did shoot first. So #68 is still a simple truth.) Anywhos...

75. Zombies want braiiiiiins.
76. Wolfman's got nards (so kick him there).

(Han did not shoot first. Han is the only one who shot. The whole Han shot first thing didn't start until the Special Edition re-release in 1997, 20 years after it was proven in theaters all across the world that Han was the only one who shot. He never gave Greedo the chance to pull the trigger. So #68 is still wrong, unless you accept the absurd notion that the badass space pirate Han Solo would give a bounty hunter the chance to shoot first. In that case, by all means, go ahead and believe that #68 is a simple truth.)

77. The number 77 comes after 76 and before 78.

78. Rule 77 is only true if you're counting in a positive direction. (AKA. Not counting backward.)

79. Many people fail to differentiate between simple truths, tautologies, and logical fallacies.

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