Goblin Lullaby: Be quiet - Myth-Weavers


Creative Corner

Post your creative works here and show off your talent!


Goblin Lullaby: Be quiet

   
Goblin Lullaby: Be quiet

The following is a goblin lullaby from Aelsif, sang to children as they're put to bed under the floorboards. Translated to English, liberally to preserve the rhyming scheme of course. Feedback appreciated, I haven't written anything like this in ages and I think it's garbage.

"Sweet child be quiet now,
They will never find you here.
Sweet child hold your breath,
They will never find you here.

If strangers come to the door,
They will never find you here.
If loud bangs should come before,
They will never find you here.
If smoke should fill the air,
They will never find you here.
Now baby lay real still,
They will never find you here.

Mommy and daddy might be gone,
They will never find you here.
And you may have to be strong,
They will never find you here.
Keep going no matter what,
They will never find you here.
Find a nice girl for us, (this is "boy" if the child is a girl)
They will never find you here.

Carry our family on,
They will never find you here.
Live to see the sun,
They will never find you here.
Sweet baby don't you cry,
They will never find you here."

The idea of little things like this being to flesh out the various cultures of the setting. Goblins near the frontier live under constant threat of invasion. They make light of it, and jokingly refer to human soldiers as "taxmen", but their children sleep in crawlspaces under the floorboards so if the soldiers come in the night they have a better chance to survive, even if the house is burned. They don't joke about that.

I really like it. Kinda of an equal mix of sad/poignant/funny. I think a cultural song like this could tell a lot about the peoples it originated with.

Kinda like what "Leaves From the Vine" told us about the Fire Nation?

exactly.

Good, that was more or less the intent. So even if I'm not happy with it, it does its job.

I like it!

So, any constructive criticism? I'm not fishing for compliments, it feels cheesy to me.

My only criticism is the live to see the sun part. Goblins in my mind are more nocturnal.








Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Last Database Backup 2019-08-22 09:00:04am local time
Myth-Weavers Status