Writers' Guild

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hmmmm writing

hmmmm writing

Well I'm a bad writer (thats how i feel and how) but i tied to write a short story of sorts.

It's supposed to be a kind of back story/character primer but none the less here it is.

Sheeting rain, moonless night, and huddled forms around hearths and fires.. A group of forms plays cat and mouse games across the muddy city streets...

One form flees and the others pursue always at a distance, almost herding, nipping at their queries heels pushing the lone sad creature to the very brink...

One flash of lightning and another, the young fox fleeing from the hounds face looks like one belonging to a person that would have never chosen this outcome for their day... soft features and plum cheeks from hot rich meals ever day. His clothes though torn, dirty and plastered wet to his body would not have been out of place in most royal courts.

after turning around a corner at no street in particular the young man finds himself suddenly alone, the pursuit gone and nothing but empty courtyard open in all directions.

the man comes to rest near a tall street light that flickers nervously in the pouring rain.

"Rahhhhhh Ha ha ha ha ha "a voice low and rumbling as an old angry mountain thunders across the courtyard

the well dressed man breaks into a sprint in a direction that looks like freedom... and in his haste his ankle falls out from underneath him landing him uncermoniously on his back.the nervous look on his face transforming to one of pain and terror .. the world seems to stand still and the moments move by like the slow inevitable slid of butter on a hot plate and suddenly the world snaps back into motion as the street lamp overhead flicker nearly out.

a much larger figure move out of a nearby alley the pulsing staccato like lightning lending the massive mans approach an even more intimidating shell.

"WEll, Well ,WEll Mr. Keck" the mans low gravely voice begins"its been Very fun you Sees , and boy have we had some fun now but playtime is quite well and done"

the young man identified as Mr.Keck manages to roll over and pull himself to his knees and crawl about two feet before his hunter noticed...

"Well Mr. Keck dont leave now " a wicked flash of broken and crooked teeth flash though a even More Crooked Smile "All I went te do is Talk"

the little man scramble managing to go nowhere and at that moment the broad shouldered mans toothy grin slips to a much more menacing scowl.

"we really Do need to talk his large fist wraps around a silk wrapped ankle and pulls Keck completely off of the ground in one smooth jerk.
Now listen, Mr. Keck ... I understand you don't know the local customs but Ignorance and believe me that is a woman i know with the utmost intimacy heh heh heh,is only an dancer you can swing with for so long"

A muffled yelp rose from Mr.Keck as one of the larger mans boots connected with Keck's ribs

"NOw if we could, Lets Start over from the beginning, I , am Christoffel Everhart Jr".a dry chuckle crept from his mouth.

"and you sir Are Mr. keck" Christoffel barks dropping the meek Keck uncermoniously back into the slimy muck.

almost gingerly Christoffel lifts the Small shrewish business man on to his feet.

"Now lets get you off the street" Christoffel paused before pushing the terrified man into a nearby alley

haw haw haw now keck your shaking like a sapling in a snowstorm " a Christoffel took a deep breath "So since you know goods and well why you are here, yea "

"but I... a burly hand clamps over Keck's mouth silencing his feeble protests

"Now look... I'm trying to be polite but your trying my patience" Christoffel Growled

a sudden flash of defiance flashes in the small mans eyes as he turns on Christoffel a small knife held shakily in both hands.

"I will never bow down to you peoples De..." a shift of his weight and a swiftly swung fist stifles the merchants outcry. Mr. Keck's knife tumbles into the slick mud and the young merchant goes reallying.

"Alright I tried being gentlemanly but i guess we just cant do it that way"a look of pure shock is painted plain as day across Keck's face. The strong armed enforcer then begins to work keck over a hay maker to the stomach, a knee in the face and a hard kick in the groin... each blow landing with a thick thud and a crackle.

the ham fisted man lets a thick mouthful of spittle down on keck back as he lands face first in the mud.

"Listen sir,"a nasty snarl enveloping every word "that was just a taste. Do as you have been told and we wont have to schedule anymore appointments."

a snappy turn and the bruised and battered merchant disappears from the frame

"Next time ya might not be able to count to ten without taking off your shoes ha ha"

a while of walking and a few turns in the pouring rain

"Nasty bushiness that" a shaky Christoffel shudders in disgust and fades into the night

and the pouring rain washes away the blood and the remainder of the night

The writing isn't half bad, but it's hard to tell because of the terrible punctuation.

Before dismissing yourself as a bad writer, bear in mind that I think you have potential... but...

I started reading, stopped, and started skimming instead. If you expect people to actually read your writing, you will need to punctuate properly, begin sentences with captial letters, and learn proper grammar. Also, your tenses are all mixed up. You switch between past and present tense randomly.

The problems with your writing are very basic issues. Work on those (grammar, punctuation, and consistent tenses) and then come back here and ask again.

Not taking the trouble to handle these basic issues tells the reader that you don't really care, and can't be bothered to write properly. That may not be the case, but that is what you are saying to the reader. And the reader then is forced to asked why they should bother to read.

On a fast skim (I have a hard time reading poorly punctuated prose) I would say you have decent pacing and might be able to write well, if you can get a handle on those elementary skills.

Hmmm, thank you for the time you took to give a cohierant reply.

I have always been terrible in english... be it punctualtion or actual tensing and sentance stucture but have been trying to work on it.

Thank you and though I'm not sure how, I think I'll am going to dive as deep as i can into improvingmy writing skills mainly for just general self Improvement.

.... I guess I also want to learn to write better so I may actual craft a story that other people will enjoy....

Arcs.... or Dwayne

Well, I think you should stick around. There are many websites in the Resources folders that could help you with punctuation and grammar, and we've been discussing some basic exercises as challenges for the future.

One trick I have used with time is to always be careful, no matter what you write. It'll take you more time at first, but you'll end up developing good habits. Worked for me, at any rate.

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