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Request for Review

Request for Review

If possible, could a few of the experienced (or, indeed, inexperienced) DMs out there cast their eyes over this ad I'm planning to put up, please, and let me know your thoughts, comments and criticism? It would be much appreciated. Many thanks in advance.

A Broken City
General Majaran's Office, the Aerie, Meresford

General Sir Niells Majaran, High Wingmaster of the Royal Gryphon Core and Lord Commander of all Taranian forces in Meresford, threw the inkwell across the room. His aide, Captain Tarpag, ducked neatly under the projectile, letting it shatter against the wall behind him. He straightened up, carefully wiping a spot of ink from his cheek.

"Twenty?!" bellowed the Lord Commander, his face a vivid red and spittle flying across the room. "I am afraid so, sir", his aide replied. "It appears they were incautious and were not alert enough for possible ambushes. There were no survivors - they were found stripped of their weapons, armour and valuables, piled in an alley, by another patrol." He watched his master carefully, alert for further projectiles. "Twenty damn dragoons, Tarpag? How in all that's holy did a bunch of criminals and peasants defeat twenty of the second finest soldiers in the damn army without even a single bloody survivor?!" Tarpag hesitated before replying. "I really couldn't say, sir. I surmise they were taken by surprise by superior numbers." The General slammed his hand on the desk in exasperation. "Well, thank you, Captain, thank Pelor I have you here to tell me these things. Now get the hell out of here and find out what happened to those bloody dragoons!" Tarpag fled from the room.

As the door shut behind the Captain, General Majaran put his head in his hands, staring bleakly at the map on his desk. It was a map of a city, with huge swathes covered in red. It was into one of those red areas the dragoon patrol had ventured. He pulled a sheet of paper towards him, a piece covered in lists of troops, numbers and depositions. With a sigh he crossed the missing patrol off the list. He had just started finding more troops to replace the lost patrol when there was a tentative knock at the door. The General took a deep, calming breath. "Come."

It was a messenger, pale-faced at the prospect of delivering bad news to the General. "Well, spit it out, man, what is it?". The messenger hesitated, but as the General's eyes narrowed he quickly blurted the news. "Sir, we have reports coming in from the Heart, sir. It seems there was uh, an arson attack, sir. We think we have it under control though. And, um, I have last night's casualties, sir. Eight Lawkeepers were killed, as were three men from the 3rd Foot, four from the 9th Pike, two from the..." He withered under the General's glare. "Forty six soldiers all told, sir, not counting the Lawkeepers or the twenty dragoons. And three men from the River Patrol were lost when their boat was sunk, sir." The General counted to ten in his head, slowly. "Thank you, private. Dismissed."

"It's impossible", the General stated to himself. "It's a bloody city! My men aren't used to fighting in it. And anyone can be an enemy! All a rioter has to do is walk around the corner and suddenly he's an innocent citizen again! How does the King expect us to sort this out, exactly?" An almighty crash came from outside. Majaran hurried to the window in three quick steps. Smoke and dust was rising above Nelton West, and bells were ringing. It looked as if an entire building had been reduced to rubble.


Now, you might think from that introduction that you're going to be on the side of the Army and the Lawkeepers, tasked with restoring law and order to the battered city of Meresford. Right? Wrong. You are not on the side of the law, not in the slightest. Now, that's not to say that you're one of those actively trying to bring the entire government down in flames (although you might be), but you're certainly someone who doesn't mind stepping on the wrong side of the law in one way or another. And you each have a connection, however tenuous, to the Red Brotherhood, the largest criminal gang in the city. You might be a fence they use, or a member of the gang, or just a criminal with a reputation for being skilled in your area of expertise. Heck, you might even be a double agent working for the
(Or any other faction, for that matter)
Lawkeepers tasked with infiltrating the Brotherhood. The choice is yours. But somehow the Red Brotherhood has decided that you are ideally suited for a job, and they've contacted you through the usual channels, to ask or order you to come to a small, unremarkable house in the Nelton West district of Meresford. What the job could be is anyone's guess...but it is almost certain the Law is not going to like it.

Wow. This is stunning. My advertisements are far below the level of quality of this

Hmmm...I would add in a bit about traits/flaws, as most people tend to ask about those.
You should also have the players put everything non-core to a page in a book, so you can get to it and check it over with more ease.

Apart from that, I like it. I'd join if I wasn't in so many games already, and what with school ahead....

I'm glad you liked it

And thanks for the suggestions, I've added them in.

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