"Everything has gone ta Hell in a hand basket.
Would be a whole lot more literal were it not fer the ass-end of winter; usually so much hotter in tha Lone Star State, y'know?
Deaders are shufflin' around in their ten-gallon hats and leather chaps, chewing on whatever noggin's the closest. It's a mess, it really is. Gotta' stay real damn careful walkin' around dogs and kai-otes- they don't seem to mind the taste of human flesh all too much, 'specially when they've been starving for days and weeks. Just about all the other animals roamin' around got caught up with the strange ol' 'zombie' shit like it was God's plan or something, entirely outta nowhere it seemed like. Strange enough, seems like they keep the cattle unharmed. Mostly.
Bet those Yanks are having a helluva time, huh? D.C. is just about gone, 'long with most of the north-east. Heard most of it was caused by trouble in the quarantine zones in the big cities where a few infected bastards would slip in an' turn b'fore chompin' around. Havin' things so spread-out helps some, don'it? Jus' hope my cousin Mary-Belle is alright in Los Sanatos; caught somethin' over the ol' HAM that they had some trouble near tha' Mexican border.
Well shit... Hey, get me oneuv them Pabst out tha' cooler, couldja'? Seems like my ex-wife's family jus' came up over tha hill yonder and I gotta go blast some heads."