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The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

Fortunately, Santokumaru protects the immaculately groomed and dressed elven butler from this dark fate, weathering the stomach-turning belch gases burning his eyes and nostrils.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above. As does Santokumaru, who is much less surprised than the kobolds hoped, their first attempt at getting up foiled by a sudden slash sending them back onto the ground, having to restart the process once more.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

Serving 2 telegraphs

First enemy turn: The Wizard Kobold Stack is waving its staff at the Warrior Kobold Stack to cast some supportive magic!

Second enemy turn: The Warrior Kobold Stack picked up a rock from the ground while reassembling itself, and is now looking at Eleanora with malicious intent!

Initiative

1. Chefs of the Round
2. Wizard Kobold Stack
3. Chefs of the Round
4. Warrior Kobold Stack
5. Chefs of the Round
6. Chefs of the Round

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

Fortunately, Santokumaru protects the immaculately groomed and dressed elven butler from this dark fate, weathering the stomach-turning belch gases burning his eyes and nostrils.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above. As does Santokumaru, who is much less surprised than the kobolds hoped, their first attempt at getting up foiled by a sudden slash sending them back onto the ground, having to restart the process once more.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

Serving 2 telegraphs

First enemy turn: The Wizard Kobold Stack is waving its staff at the Warrior Kobold Stack to cast some supportive magic!

Second enemy turn: The Warrior Kobold Stack picked up a rock from the ground while reassembling itself, and is now looking at Eleanora with malicious intent!

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

Fortunately, Santokumaru protects the immaculately groomed and dressed elven butler from this dark fate, weathering the stomach-turning belch gases burning his eyes and nostrils.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above. As does Santokumaru, who is much less surprised than the kobolds hoped, their first attempt at getting up foiled by a sudden slash sending them back onto the ground, having to restart the process once more.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue. The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

Fueled by ultimate draconic power, the warrior stack literally winds up for a big ol' slash with the very shabby-looking oversized stone sword. They swing, and swing, and swing, and rotate around their own axis multiple times, all while still spewing flames, until the attack comes!

...And the slash sails way over Santokumaru's head, finally knocking over the stack, spilling on the ground. The moment of surprise is used to quickly scramble back up into attack formation, because being bigger means being stronger! Surely, no one saw that, too impressed by their unending fires and the technique they were. The wizard stack judges them from above.

Vesper quickly puts his impressive training to use, creating a delicious Sommet Delight. In butlery grace, he appears right next to the wizard stack, using the distraction to aim for the top-most kobold's maw. But he underestimated how under-snacked the stack is feeling, and thus the middle kobold has a glint in its eye, followed by snatching the snack out of the gloved hand. Stars appear in its eyes as the wonderful taste spreads, wiping any ideas about casting from its mind. Too bad the middle kobold cannot actually cast spells. The swift follow-up attack by Vesper is sadly foiled by the stack leaning back, due to the middle kobold too busy ooh-ing over the snack then maintain verticality (while the top and bottom kobolds complain loudly).

But lo, here comes the curse by the scary crazy girl! The kobolds brace and... it's marshmallows. Floating marshmallows. There is distrust, but that quickly goes away when they see the snacks are on fire! And blue fire! That's totally better than red fire! Eleanora watches as both stacks almost jump at the marshmallows to get them, wanting superior fire-power while also not wanting to be out-snacked! Both top kobolds chomp down on them (the warrior even gets a little roast on it!), but to their surprise, the marshmallows burst into blasting hurty light! Both stacks are left utterly confused, undersnacked, and lightly smoking.

The Waiter of Destiny Has Arrived

Serving 1

Bon Appétit!

Battle commences with the flash of Santokumaru's blade! The onion is masterfully diced until it is merely a mist of essential oils sent at the eyes of the staff-wielding top kobold. Unfortunately, the juices reach the extended snout first, and in an astounding display of questionable inherent properties and dumb luck, the kobold sneezes in an instant. The resulting expulsed fluids filter most of the onion attack out of the air, while the wizard kobold scratches its belly and warily watches the madman who just exploded an onion for seemingly no reason, now feeling all the more hungry.

Anyway! The wizard swings its staff wildly, to the complaints of the lower two kobolds, while chanting something sounding suspiciously like "My snack, no snag!", still in the cone-enhanced booming voice. The shiny rock on the staff shines even more, the kobold is rapidly looking like it isn't feeling so good and something obviously went wrong. It turns out, however, that the cone also functions as an aiming aid, as the wizard's resounding belch sends green billowing clouds towards Vesper, who unfortunately stood out the most on account of being tall, elfy, and blue.

The gases are foul, on top of being very extremely uncouth and unclean. The only upside is that the experience sparks a flash of insight for something similarly effective. If much more gentlemanly and civilized and not escaping from the body. The kobold, meanwhile, looks like it is feeling much better.

The same thing cannot be said by the warrior kobold stack, as the bottom kobold gladly slurps up a spoon of offered stew. The very next moment after the gulp, the stack stops moving, as the ground kobold turns even more red, head starting to glow in much the same shade, and starts burping fire uncontrollably! Impressed and jealous, the two kobolds above immediately demand spoonfuls as well, upon which they, too, start emitting five-alarm-fueled puffs of fire, minds rapidly waffling between that this was a terrible idea but also the best thing ever. After all, they are breathing fire! The wizard stack squints over to them, intensely jealous.

[not done yet]