Orientation (Part 1)

[Cointhief]

A pair of explosions rocks you to the core, stripping you out of time and scrambling your memories. 

Momentarily deafened save a high pitched ringing, your other senses hyper-attune to the carnage...with horror you note the twin masts of the Moonraider, your spelljamming ship, have splintered in thirds and are tossed like a dagger into Wildspace. On the starboard side, a half dozen of your fellow sailors are likewise hurled overboard, the rope rigging toying with their futile attempts to hold on like a cat's tail. They bob and oscillate on the gravity plane but are quickly lost in shadow. Yet it is not the void of space that conceals them, it is not the wheeling clouds of rainbow gas spinning between distant stars casting this darkness, but rather the encroachment of the first pirate galleon.

The pirate galleon at ramming speed, spearheading a larger fleet.

A gust of sickening breath fills your lungs as the invader's air envelope merges with your own...clearly they have been without port longer than you have. With only the massive crystalline spire of the nightmare beholder world known as H'catha in the distance (slowly pulling you into orbit), you might forgive them for this lapse of ship hygiene...if not for the blasts of magic tossed by their boarding party, and the cruel weapons they wield promising a painful death.

*CRASH* The ships stick together as boards creak and the mass of dual wreckage begins a clumsy waltz in the infinite ocean. A passing school of electric space eels jolt in consternation and scatter as the two gravity planes momentarily bend space and agree on some new physical law, their camouflaged scales flickering to match the colors of the nearby nebulae. A second volley of mangonel stones from the distant fleet whiz overhead, the collision your savior from the artillerists' aim.

Astral Reavers. Humanoids warped by extended time off-world, their physical oddities matched only by the extent space-madness has fractured their humanity and common sense. These coal-hearted miscreants are united by the urge to raid, pillage, and snicker at suffering with sick humor. They sing love songs to the cool and watchful stars, ever-enamored to plunder the depths between them.

The first flies in with some kind of rusty rotary blades mounted on its head, firing hot pistols from both hands. One of the bullets catches First Mate Brown right in the face, and he topples over dead instantly. Another has a shiny serrated iron jaw, coupled to a mechanical arm sprouting an oversized lobster pincher and spewing a black stream of exhaust as the engine winches itself open. It latches onto one of the loose planks, wielding it like a giant club with nails in it. The next wears a torn wedding dress stained with blood, a second infantile head sprouted from its shoulder spitting curses and snarling with hungry vampire fangs. The hands of the corrupted bride make obscene gestures as they glow white with starlight. ...the raucous shouting behind them promises more are coming soon. Meanwhile a grinning clownface takes a sniper position on the enemy's crow's nest with a long ray gun, playing 'eeny-meeny' with everything it sees, friend and foe alike.

As these initial threats touch boots to deck, Captain Sardax lies nearby, her body beyond divine aid...torn to shreds from the shrapnel and disfigured from cruel acidic magic. "Hold the top deck!" the words are ejected with her dying breath, the effort spraying a blue blood "Grant them no quarter!" The ship's medic, a dohwar (penguin-folk) of questionable ability, known only as Clinical Systems Lead Analyst Popsicle ostensibly makes some effort to save her...but is really loosening the strings of her purse instead of tying a tourniquet.

It's hard to remember anything before the enemy mangonels shredded your ship and Captain, perhaps the reavers have ensorcelled you with disorienting magic to aid the boarding party. Perhaps you should've eaten the space soup instead of the space special as your companion recommended. Perhaps you're just too green for combat, this being among your first deadly encounters in Realmspace. One thing you do realize: Sardax' death leaves it up to you and the surviving crew to repel these reavers and escape with your lives.

You are all on the forecastle of a crumbling but rather large and well-armed space galleon. 3 astral reavers have boarded, and their ship remains adjacent. The clown faced one is in the crow's nest of the other ship, about 100 ft straight line distance. The span here is about 60 ft from siderail to siderail. A pair of swiveling ballista are mounted in the center of this space. The 3 boarded enemies are all within 30 ft of player positions.

Round 1:

Lazuli, Yahs, Chaeek, Nazira/Louis, Celsior ⬅ UP

Reavers (Helicopter, Lobster, Bride, Clown)

Edited November 5, 2023 by Cointhief (see edit history)

[DM-Tareth]

“Ooof!”  Yahs grunts as the Moonraider lurches with the collision.  Pots and pans jangle and the bucket of spuds she’d been peeling tumbles to the floor.  Dirty spud water slooshes across her portside pseudopod.  Quickly absorbing the dirty liquid, the region turns from a pale green to skin a mottled yellow and grayish brown.  

 

“Tymora’s t$#t’s.”  She curses picking herself up off the grease stained deck and sucking her discolored pod away from the offending filthy water.  “What in all blazes is going on up there?!  That’s going to stain for at least a day.”   It’s at that moment she notices the split hull and glimpses of open wildspace created by the collision.  The flash of a space eel as it undulated by the opening.  The sudden stink of something foul and unclean.  Even worse than Cooky’s cooking.  Even worse than her own if she wanted to be honest.  But this really didn’t seem like a moment for personal honesty.  She’d assumed the cacophony of alarms and shouts were just another drill.  But whatever that was, her eyes glance again at the obvious armored bow of some other spelljammer, it definitely wasn’t one of Sardax’s malevolent, irritating trials.  

 

Regathering herself, for the shock of the situation had momentarily caused her to lose control and revert to her ‘natural’ form.  That form really amounting to little more than a much more mobile pile of dragon dung.    Unfortunately, she still hadn’t completely mastered controlling her body like others of her kind could.  For so long, she’d floated in the Astral Sea with nothing but emptiness to emulate.  It had set her behind in some of the basics.  So her ‘arms’ were a little too long, her ‘legs’ a little too squat.  Her torso lacked the usual feminine proportions, or as was occasionally the case a few too many of said proportions.  And her face, well it tended to be some odd combination of some hag who’d found the wrong end of a paladin’s mace.   It tended to scare the kiddies and turn away the drunken and all-too-curious suitors who ‘wondered what it’d be like.’  So it all worked out just fine.

 

Slither-running through the hatchway, she nearly reverts once again seeing the total chaos and destruction that had befallen the Moonraider.  She tried to take it all in.  The toppled masts, half the crew or more down or sailing off into the void.  Brown shooting blood from whatever was left of his head.  The Doc doing his usual best to save the Captain.  And the trio of ugly, even uglier than her, pirates who were clearly bent on creating even more havoc, possibly upon her very own person.  

Grabbing the closest weapon to hand, which just happens to be the swabbing mop, she rushes toward the rotary bladed pistol wielder.  Brown had actually been a decent bloke, he didn’t deserve to go out that way.  So it was up to her to get the poor sod a little payback. 

 

 

 

ActionsMove.
Attack reaver with pistols with quarterstaff.
Bonus Martial Arts attack

Edited November 5, 2023 by DM-Tareth (see edit history)

[JubalBreakbottle]

Celsior Loriniscil, Prince of Alfheim

Inspiration Yes | HP 8/8 | HD 1/1 | Step 2/2 | Shield 1/1

Recovery 1/1 | 1st-level 0/2

---

Celsior blinks several times while absorbing the scene. He doesn’t remember entering his trance, but the battle feels similar. His dreams usually devolve into authority breaking down and leaving him to lead. Lately, the setting involved spelljamming, since he earned his admission to the academy.

This tall astral elf with regal-bearing wears the height of current courtly fashion which highlights his porcelain skin, silvery inhuman eyes, and flaming silver, shoulder-length hair and accents his family's heraldry: argent, three-petaled flower purpure. 

Hearing the captain’s last orders, the prince takes command and calls to his fellow crew. “Those with range, target that clown in the nest. Pulsar, distract that reaver.” The wizard grips the crystal amulet at his chest and targets the two reavers closest to the ballista and commands them to, “sleep!” He strides (princes rarely run) toward the ballista pulling out his dagger from its intricately designed sheath.

A celestial owl silently descends from the backdrop of infinite Wildspace and claws one of the reavers.

Mechanics

Active spells: Familiar, Light (cast on hair) Mage Armor

Action: Cast Sleep on 2 reavers closest to the ballista

Familiar: Helps another PC in melee vs a Reaver (not clown or sleeping reaver)

Edited November 6, 2023 by JubalBreakbottle (see edit history)

[The Eyeball Kid]

Chaeek gives an angry screech as the ship rocks with the force of the impact and boarders begin to make their way onto the deck.

Taking in the scene, he shouts, "Come with me!" to two of the crew, a large male giff and a small female human, as he dashes across the deck, partially going down on all fours for a moment, towards one of the ballistae.

"I always wanted to fire one of these things!", he exclaims excitedly as he dives under the weapon. "Heads up!", he shouts to anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby as he grabs it with his feet and recklessly swings it around to point directly at the clown reaver on the other ship.

"Load, Herupp!", he instructs the giff and then, when all is ready, he shouts, "Fire at Will!", to the human. At the young lady's odd look he shrugs and says, "What?!? His name could be Will! Shirley, you don't know different! Just shoot the clown!" Shrugging back, Shirley (the crew woman) releases the bolt, sending it sailing towards its target.

Edited November 5, 2023 by The Eyeball Kid (see edit history)

[KingGoblin]

Lazuli Lazali Lulura, AKA Squishy

AC 16 | HP 11/11 | HD 1/1 | Inspiration Yes | P.Perception 15

Saves: Str -1 | Dex +3 | Con +1 | Int +2 | Wis +5 | Cha +0

Resistances: Acid and Poison

---

Gong about her business on the deck, scrubbing something most likely, Lazuli shudders with the force that scrambles everyone's memories. Literally shuddering, like jelly with leather armor and a shield strapped to it, she turns her ganglia to look at the ship before her nerve clusters are assaulted with the noise. "On it, Captain," she burbles from an orifice on her 'back,' even as she staggers to within ten feet of the intruders. She isn't aware of it, but this is one time when her lack of olfactory sense would be an advantage.

 

Reaching out with the same pseudopod that holds her treasured peg leg, she opens another orifice and sprays a reaver in the face with a combination of excrement and digestive fluids. "Squaaaah!" she seems to cry, and her peg leg, well, doesn't seem to change at all.

 

Actions

Move: Moving 20 feet to be within 10 feet of the reavers

Action: Casting Poison Spray at a reaver. Con save DC 13, 1d12 damage (5)

Bonus: Casting Shillelagh on her peg leg.

Reaction: Hah, no reaction. Yet.

 

Edited November 5, 2023 by KingGoblin (see edit history)

[BobtheWizard]

"Lou" Louis Dufray (Goblin Ranger) sheet

---

AC: 16 | HP: 12/12 | Initiative: +3 | Passive Perception: 17 | FeaturesAdv. on saves vs. charm
60' Darkvision
BA Hide or Disengage
Fury of Small: 2/2 LR
Favored Foe: 2 /2 LR
Hit Dice: 1 / 1d10+2 LR
Conditions: none

---

Louis had very nearly been kicked out of the Spelljammer Academy. He wasn't very bright or charming, and didn't do we ll following the rules. He had had enough of rules from his time on the merchant ship. He was frequently in trouble and threatened with expulsion. But he had experience. Not just experience in the Astral plane, but experience with Spelljammer ships and navigating. So they had made some exceptions and let him stay.

Once on the ship, he was happy to be exploring again, even if there were still a few too many rules. And the gunners on the ship had come to trust him. He knew what he was doing with the ballista and the mangonel and was a pretty good shot - better than most of the true crew.

When the Reavers attacked, Lou knew that this was bad. He had never encountered them before, but as far as he knew, no one had ever encountered them and lived to tell about it. Their deformities and sadism were well known, but he had never quite been sure if those rumors were true, until he saw the three board our ship.

Seeing Cheek move to the first ballista, Lou moves to the second one, the crew there assisting him as he targets another of the Reavers.

"Let's clear these off the deck before we try to take out their ship."

While he is terrified inside, he enjoys being able to use the ballista in a real fight. It's been too long, and when he was pirate, he had never gotten the chance to shoot in combat. A smile full of jagged teeth fills his face.

---

Mechanics Main Hand: Empty Off Hand: Empty Action: Your action goes here. Bonus Action: Your bonus action goes here. Move: Your movement goes here. Manipulate: Your one free object interaction goes here.

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by BobtheWizard (see edit history)

[Mild Scribe]

Nazira "Naz" Amar

---

Nazira rose from the captain's body muttering a quick prayer to the Lady of Magic that no foul spell waylaid her souls journey. It had all been over so fast, her talents at healing were meager enough but she might have tried anyways with more time.

As calmly as she could Naz surveyed the deck. Raiders again. Sea Bitch's tits truly some things never changed, here she was farther into the forever then she'd ever imagined and yet here was an all too familiar scene before her, one that had played out a thousand thousand times across the trackless seas of Toril. And it seemed across the even greater gulfs above them. Only this time it seemed there was no one left to take command. The crew was responding, but without leadership things could go north in a hurry.

"To arms! To arms!" 

Nazira shouted over the din, that any didn't know that but it gave the crew something to hear before the important bits.

"Form up! Make lines against the boarders, don't let them get behind you!"

"Combine your efforts, crush them one at time!"

"Ballistae keep up the fire on that crows nest, rid us of that gods-cursed sniper!"

Each sentence was short and clear and loud as Naz could yell it. There was a trick to making yourself heard in battle she knew, but it wasn't a thing she'd had much call to practice.

Taking her own advice Nazira followed the little slime girl who called herself Lapis, hoping others would fill in behind her. As the plasmoid let out a noxious puff Naz held her breath and darted forward stabbing with her rapier.

---

HP 12/12 AC 1813 Magic Armor
+3 Dex
+2 Shield

OOC: Naz Attacks whatever raider eats Lapis' Poison Spray w/her rapier

1d20+5 (Attack

1d8+5 (Damage

Edited November 6, 2023 by Mild Scribe (see edit history)

[Cointhief]

Con Save vs Laz

The dual-headed bride took a sharp whiff of Squishy's stink cloud with all 4 nostrils, retching up baby vomit and blood as the alien toxins assaulted its physiology. Flipping through its mental checklist of wedding management it checked a tickbox next to 'Something Blue', though it wished it had not. All that remained was 'Something Borrowed', which Nazira was happy to provide in the form of a fatal rapier thrust to the heart. Hitting the deck, the bride's engagement ring popped loose from her finger doing cartwheels down the forecastle as the Moonraider pitched upwards...right into Clinical Systems Lead Analyst Popsicle's welcoming flipper. Sqwaking with glee "Waste not, want not!" the dohwar said to noone as the chaos raged. Bride down

Then out of the side hatch came the amorphous swabber known as Yahs. In a blur, the roiling death blob was on top of the reaver with the gnarly beany, discovering that magical sawing sound a wooden pole makes when shoved into zippy helicopter blades. The blades jammed, but conservation of momentum dictated the reaver's body to rotate instead, slamming it to the deck as its neck twisted and snapped. Indeed, it was swift vengeance for First Mate Brown. Helicopter down

Chaeek and Louis took a different tact, quickly rallying the remaining crew to focus on their training, to focus on routine. As if part of the machine itself the fine men and women of the Moonraider rapidly armed the gilded ballistae, ratcheting the aiming crank while balancing the counter stanchion for a steep angle of fire. The lobster-armed man took a desperate leap, sweeping upwards with his board-with-a-nail-in-it, deflecting Louis' shot wide. Chaeek's struck true however, nearly snipping the crow's nest whole from the mast while impaling the evil clown. Bolt and clown continued their straight line motion far into space, the sick smile turning into a sad frown. If you listened closely, you could hear a slide whistle descending in pitch. Clown down

Just before the next wave leaped aboard, Celsior the Prince of Alfheim calmly coordinated his fey magic with Pulsar. The noble issued his command, and the reavers obeyed. The lobster-engined man tumbled over sideways, while a blue-skinned scantily clad woman with a single yellow horn on her head snoozed mid-leap...disrupting her charge and curling into a quick nap. Lobster and Horn unconscious

Yet more reavers came, the Battle of H'catha was only beginning.

A giant goldfish bowl containing a floating brain somehow hovered on board, deftly manipulating a crossbow with a cloud of hot pink psionic energy. Noting the fallen gunslinger ~Shiver me timbers! They got Sikorsky!~ you heard a voice in the back of your mind say.

Crossbow vs Yahs

Goldfish bowls were apparently horribly marksmen after all, and the brain's bolt skittered off the siderail.

Some kind of mirror-skinned creature suddenly shot forward into a triple forward flip, launched by his cheering mates aboard the other vessel. The highly reflective and quite naked creature captured the colors and constellations of Realmspace in a scintillating display, as it flourished its dual scimitars in circular threat...

Scimitar vs Nazira

Scimitar vs Nazira 2

Nazira was there to meet the blades with her own, engaging in a fantastic display of parrying strikes. Sparks flew across the being's silver skin, and it was soon clear who the superior swordswoman was.

Sneakily crawling up over the side was a fuzzy little orange ball with 4 arms and the face of a lion. Half of the arms wielded spiky balled flails, while the other half was flipping the bird. "I like chicken, I like liver, morningstar, morningstar, please deliver!" it chanted psychotically dashing into battle.

Target Chaeek or Louis

Morningstar vs Louis

Louis ducked effortlessly and the spiked ball bounced off the ballista to pummel the lion in the whiskers instead. The rude extra limbs turned on their master to flip themself off in frustration.

The floundering attacks of the second wave were punctuated by a sudden blaze on the other ship. The enemy ballista was being pointed towards the forecastle, the tip of its harpoon coated with pitch and set on fire.

Apparently the dice roller is my mortal enemy. XD Lucky for you. Lobster and Horn are Unconscious, attacks have advantage and attacks made within 5 ft are autocrits. Str and Dex saves autofail as well. Goldfish is near Yahs, but not in melee. Pulsar is harrying, so first attack on Goldfish has advantage. Mirror is in melee with Nazira. The Rude Lion is in melee with Louis. The Fire Harpoon on the other ship will fire next round (their crew is not as disciplined apparently). All enemies are within a move of everyone. Finally, apologies for odd formatting. Still kind of playing with how to do this...missing the preview function of the Paizo forums somewhat.

Round 2:

Lazuli, Yahs, Chaeek, Nazira/Louis, Celsior ⬅ UP

Reavers (Lobster*, Horn*, Goldfish*, Mirror, Rude Lion, Fire Harpoon, Helicopter, Bride, Clown)

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by Cointhief (see edit history)

[BobtheWizard]

"Lou" Louis Dufray (Goblin Ranger) sheet

---

AC: 16 | HP: 12/12 | Initiative: +3 | Passive Perception: 17 | FeaturesAdv. on saves vs. charm
60' Darkvision
BA Hide or Disengage
Fury of Small: 2/2 LR
Favored Foe: 2 /2 LR
Hit Dice: 1 / 1d10+2 LR
Conditions: none

---

Louis gives a cheer as the crew takes down one of the Reavers with the ballista. this is even more fun than he thought it would be. He sees the fur ball come at him and thinks the lion face is cute, but that feeling passes quickly as he needs to duck under a swinging flail. In one motion, he ducks, rolls, and comes up on the other side of the lion-faced fur ball, his scimitar slicing at the core.

"Keep shooting, boys. Take out their ballista crew."

He then backs away from the enemy, hoping to make it follow him away from the ballista crew.

"Come and get me fuzzy!"

---

Mechanics Main Hand: Scimitar Off Hand: Empty Manipulate: draw scimitar Action: attack lion face Bonus Action: disengage Move: move 15' away to draw lion from ballista crew

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by BobtheWizard (see edit history)

[DM-Tareth]

"Ha ha! Take that you pirate scum." Yahs bugles with triumph when the reaver with the oversized pinwheel chapeau thumps to the ground never to whirl through the stars again. Only to have her moment of satisfaction rudely interrupted by a strange voice in her head bemoaning the scoundrels death. Oh no! Most definitely no. She mentally whispers back toward the pink brain. Using the meditative practice perfected over the years drifting alone on the Astral Sea, the slippery monk fills her mind with nothing but nonsense. Mary had a little lycanthrop whose eyes had a golden glow. The twisted rhyme rattles through Yahs' mind while she recovers her slightly whittled broom and slides up to the brain-in-a-bowl.

And where ever Mary, went blood was sure to flow. Yahs lashes out with the broom in a quick attempt to shatter the glass bowl and then quickly forms a midriff pseudopod to try and smash the psy-critter right in the gut.

 

MechanicsMove to melee with goldfish bowl.
Broom Attack plus Martial Attack.

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by DM-Tareth (see edit history)

[JubalBreakbottle]

Celsior Loriniscil, Prince of Alfheim

Inspiration Yes | HP 8/8 | HD 1/1 | Step 2/2 | Shield 1/1

Recovery 1/1 | 1st-level 0/2

---

Celsior calmly stands near one of the ballista. Leaders and princes stay calm in the chaos of battle, or at least that’s how the stories are told and written. He has one last protection spell, in case anyone gets too close, so his calm is not too hard to maintain.

He wears a slight grin on his face satisfied that his spell put two of the reavers to sleep. Now, he just needs some crew with bigger weapons than his court dagger to finish them.

Seeing one of his plasmoid crew hit the goldfish reaver, the prince gestures with his offhand causing illuminated sigils to rotate around his wrist. With a word of, “death,” the ghastly green light streaks toward the goldfish causing the universe to resonate a deep discordant tone.

A celestial owl silently streaks away into the backdrop of infinite Wildspace and prepares for another pass.

Mechanics

Active spells: Familiar, Light (cast on hair) Mage Armor

Action: Cast Toll the Dead on the wounded goldfish reaver

Familiar: Move and Dodge

[The Eyeball Kid]

Chaeek let's loose with a screeching cackle. "WHEEEEEEE! This is every bit as fun as I thought it'd be! Again!"

He swings the ballista around, specifically aiming at the ballista being manned by the crew on the other ship, calling out, "Load her up, Herupp!", and then, "Ready, Shirley? Remember, what we lack in numbers we make up for in Doing-Stuff-Togetherness! Fire!"

Edited November 6, 2023 by The Eyeball Kid (see edit history)

[Mild Scribe]

Nazira "Naz" Amar

---

 

The twisted bride went down cleanly and easily but Naz had little time to celebrate or asses the situation as the deformed bride was replaced by yet another bizarre creature. Nazira hailed from a land ruled by magic, but even in Haluraa a golem of quicksilver would be a rare find indeed. No not a golem, a living creature somehow transformed. Had she been a wizard no dount Naz would have found it fascinating but for the nonce she had other concerns

Whatever the quicksilver beast was it proved little threat as Nazir danced and blocked its wild strikes with an easy grace.

Then it was her turn. While her opponent was swinging wildly the Halruaan studied her target, though the scintillating colors threatened her with quite the headache later she held firm. Measure twice cut once as they said. When Nazir went back on the attack once more it was quick and precise. Feinting left then twisting to the right with a deft flourish.

 

---

HP 12/12 AC 1813 Magic Armor
+3 Dex
+2 Shield

OOC: Naz attacks Mirror w/Rapier

Edited November 6, 2023 by Mild Scribe (see edit history)

[KingGoblin]

Lazuli Lazali Lulura, AKA Squishy

AC 16 | HP 11/11 | HD 1/1 | Inspiration Yes | P.Perception 15

Saves: Str -1 | Dex +3 | Con +1 | Int +2 | Wis +5 | Cha +0

Resistances: Acid and Poison

---

Lazuli follows Nazira after Mirror. "Oooh, pretty," she burbles, looking at her own reflection in the silver reaver's skin. "I wonder if I would be silver if I ate you," she muses, sighing wistfully.

 

"Uh, not that I would do that. Don't worry guys. I don't eat people," she says, "That you know of."

 

She raises the wooden leg she acquired under questionable circumstances high, before swinging it down and around to see if the mirror shatters as prettily as it shines.

 

Actions

Move: Following along to get around Mirror

Action: Attacking Mirror with her Shillelagh.

Bonus: -

Reaction: -

 

[Cointhief]

The mirror-skinned creature's exterior cracks like a soft alligator eggshell, spewing a bright, neon-green fluid all over the deck. At Lazuli's culinary suggestion, the injured entity argues "Uh...you don't want to do that...like..*cough*..basically there would be no nutritional value...or..Parasites! Yes, I'm infected with space parasites, lots of em. Micro-spined Nudibranches I picked up from a cave on Reykjavik..." Slipping on its own neon fluids, Nazira's thrust went high...a waste of perfect form.

*NYaaayaya!!!* Suddenly a black and white mottled goat flew in out of nowhere, striking the silver reaver in the face. But who?! Glancing about there could be no doubt...yes, it was Clinical Systems Lead Analyst Popsicle...that son of a bitch did it. Mirror down

A mysterious, somewhat familiar voice echoed across the battlefield "Need we go further? This isn't how it was supposed to be, Bacon." with no discernable source.

As Pulsar pecked a harmonic note on the glass harp that was the inscrutable  Goldfish-bowl-with-a-brain-in-it, Yahs' mop missed by shear inches as the hovering container of cerebrospinal fluid ascended in a sudden hop. ~Ha! Not the first to try and crack me bowl! The finest Cerulean crystal, you see, harvested under a rare binary occlusion which *URK*~ cut short by a jabbing psuedopod to the rim. A hairline crack appeared in the fine crystal ~Ok, wait now...truce...~ But Celsior had already completed the final syllable of his ancient elven war magic. The plump pink organ blackened and shrivelled like a nasty cat-sized raisin, the goldfish bowl falling to deck and shattering the crystal into a billion pieces. Goldfish down

Ever since boarding school, Shirley had a bad habit of taking things too literally. Shirley, you don't mean it? Well...she always did. Shirley would shine in the spotlight, and yet struggle to understand her companion's intentions in the simplest of circumstances. So it was when Chaeek screamed "Fire!" Shirley replied "Where??" letting the aiming gimbal slip from her fingers. The bolt missed the reaver's ballista installation, crashing into the deck in a shower of splinters. The giff rolled his hippo eyes "Shirley not the brightest crayon in the box."

Lou's crew had their act more together, but were nonetheless slowed by his departure. Baiting the strange lion creature (who relentlessly shot obscene gestures with his offhand paws) the melee moved closer to the siderail on the edge of the stars. The forceful feline came on in a rage, just as another mangonel stone from the approaching pirate fleet impacted the Moonraider...

*CRASH*

Rope and chain rigging slid across the deck, catching Lou by the shins and sending him flying some 40 ft backwards. A blessing in disguise, as a second mangonel stone promptly crashed right where he was just standing. Still, it was too much for the vessel...a sickening moan of the old wood ribs announced the death of the Spelljammer was immenent.

Like a stormcloud breached on the hottest summer, a thunderous detonation rocked the ship, a trillion motes of powdered wood igniting from the energetic impact. Goats and sleeping beauties were hurled into Wildspace...

...then everything stopped.

The wreck hung motionless in time. The cheering reavers froze solid. The stars stopped twinkling.

The illusion of this scene in Wildspace melted away, and as your senses and memories returned you recognized the smell of the gilded magic runes that emboss the magical chambers of the Simulation Deck. They had told you your first experience of a Wildspace simulation would be disorienting, a test of your ability to function under pressure. Boy, they weren't kidding.

A hulking figure emerged from the center of the explosion: a hadozee with a missing wing flap wearing a military uniform bristling with medals. Taking a long pull from a fat cigar "As you can see," Boatswain Tarto growled, "the Battle of H'Catha didn't go so well for Captain Sardax. Her last battle makes an excellent testing ground for new recruits. Bacon! End simulation!"

A halfling nodded in response to the odd words. Bacon. Halfling. Illusionist Bacon. It was all coming back to you.

"But the real battle went equally poor for her crew. It seems we underestimated the new cadets...not a scratch!" As the mists of magic fully clarify, a large auditorium is revealed...an audience has been observing. Tarto singles out a sporty, brash looking punk from the crowd "We could all learn a thing or two from this crew."

"*tch* Whatever..." the young sailor dismissed the advice instantly. "...freaking stupid goldfish bowl, what kind of challenge is that." You had the displeasure of meeting this particular specimen of Toril when you arrived, Chad Lancaster...a self-stylized big man on campus.

Another in the crowd elbows her friend in the ribs pointing at Popsicle "Wait, what the hell, that penguin wasn't part of the simulation? Haha..." snickering lightly. Indeed it seems most of the crew were illusory save the dohwar, Shirley, and a few others.

You remember Tarto is of course the Spelljammer Corps training officer. Her scars are a testament to the hard life waiting beyond the stars. Despite being minus a flap, she remains capable as ever. Never one to mince words, a certain anxiety came over you as you awaited your performance assessment. Tarto was scribbling some notes on a clipboard furiously, glancing over you all as you stood casually at attention.

You recall arriving this morning on the Belligerence, a chartered galley out of Waterdeep which picked up passengers and crew in the Moonshaes, Baldur's Gate, Candlekeep, and Port Nyanzaru. Spelljammer Fleet Regulation 137-B dictated even those from off-world had to take the water near civilization, so you all had a few days to get to know each other.

For various reasons, you've come to Spelljammer Academy: a secretive enclave of spellcasters and swords-for-hire on the mysterious isle of Nimbral. Graduates from the academy join the Spelljammer Fleet, a magical navy sworn to protect Toril and explore worlds far beyond. The academy is carved into a two-thousand-foot-high column of rock that juts up from the cliffs off the island's west coast...its multiple levels connected by stairs, ramps, and magical lifts. After docking in a sea cave at the base of the column, you proceeded directly to the Simulations Deck and were thrown right into the fray!

"Damn, I blew it..." lamented Popsicle. "I didn't know I was being watched. They saw me snatch that purse, that ring..."

"Don't sweat it Popsicle, that goat toss was clutch!" Shirley exclaimed, boosting the penguin's confidence while dreaming of standard transmissions.

Combat over. All characters regain any expended resources, spell slots etc.

Edited November 7, 2023 by Cointhief (see edit history)